Telling child we're separating

[Bigbadsquirrel]

Hi Mumsnet,

I'm after your thoughts & advice!!!

I told my 9 year old boy yesterday that myself & my partner have decided to separate, we were together for over 3 years so over a third of son's life, things have been so toxic for a while, I've been utterly miserable & so unsettled,

Ex wasn't there when i told son the news, I took son for a burger, told him on way home. As soon as we got home he ran off to his room, has barely spoken to me since, he's been crying a lot.

He & ex do a hobby together & ex has said he wants to continue to do that hobby together if son wants to, we have agreed we should try to be friends, feels like things might be amicable.
Tried to explain this to son, he seems so disappointed with me.
I don't know what to do, we are supposed to be going away tomorrow, I feel like I've ruined his life! We are very close he is also close to ex.

I am a terrible mum 😰
I did this all wrong didn't I,

I don’t have a similar experience to share but sending you positive thoughts.

Sounds like you are a fab mammy, and while any change in a child’s life may cause upset, I reckon if your son still manages to spend time with your now ex, in time he will see not much has changed for him and everything will work out. A few hard weeks ahead maybe but it’ll all come right! X

Thanks @MurphMurph appreciate your post.
🤞🏽

Would it have helped if you both of you had broken the news to him together?

The poor lad is at an age where he gravitates to male figures. He has probably enjoyed family life and is grieving. Sad for you and very sad for your little boy that he’s worried he won’t see your ex

My DD is recently separated, she has been Step Mum to her ex’s two children for over 7 years, they lived with them at weekends / half the holidays - his youngest is very attached to DD and she was devastated when he told them he was splitting with my DD. They’ve not only lost my DD , they’ve lost their 2nd home / their own bedrooms, (her ex has moved to his parents for now) which they don’t have at their Mum’s as she now has 2 younger kids with her new husband.
DD has reassured her that they will still spend time together and has taken her out already and they have been seeing their little Brother at weekends.
It’s always upsetting for kids no matter how ‘amicable’ parents try and make things. My heart breaks for my DD and my 4 year old Grandson, he’s been so confused this past couple of weeks.