I need to leave but I don't know where to start

[blackbraids]

So yes the title says how I feel.

Basically leaving a 10y relationship as I can't take his abuse anymore.

However, I am £5k in credit card debt (not proud of it), have a 18 month old and even though I have a job that's considered good, at the end of the month I get £1900-2000 which after paying childcare, rent and groceries I am left with almost nothing (I am in London and would like to stay in the area due to my workplace)

I have no assets on my name, no savings, I can't really work more due to childcare, and have no family/friends who can help.

We are not married, the house belongs to him and I am basically being chucked out. I really do not know where or how to begin, I wish I had saved for a rainy day so I could put a deposit for a rental place for me and my baby! I feel very stupid indeed. Any suggestions? I need to leave but I feel absolutely trapped financially and can't see a way out.

Sorry for the negativity! Any advise appreciated.

Have you contacted Woman's Aid? If you are in an abusive relationship with nowhere to go with your child, you may be able to go to a refuge.

@Thecatthatgotthesouredmilk I am not sure I would qualify. I consider the relationship abusive because he abuses me verbally a lot, puts me down, doesn't support me at all, basically loathes me and is horrible. But that's as far as the abuse goes. I have no social or police records and not something I would want to do either. But thank you, I will try contacting them for advice

As a single parent, you should be able to claim some universal credit to ho towards rent and claim 85% of childcare costs back

@NiceUnusualDifferent thank you. even if we are still living together? As I wouldn't qualify due to household earnings.

I don't think so sorry, but do double check. I meant once you were on your own, sorry u should've been clearer

I should've been clearer! Not you

@NiceUnusualDifferent no worries and thank you!
Yes that's the bit I am stuck with. Getting out of here being able to afford a deposit for a new rent. I think once out ot would be tight but I would manage. I can't seem to save at the end of the month and even if I was able to it would take me quite a long time. The credit card interest is crippling me too.

Contact payplan re the 5k of debt. Was there any financial abuse? Payplan have a lot of success getting debt due to abuse written off.

I am so sorry you find yourself in this position. I’ve a close relative going through an almost identical situation. She has been surprised by how much help is actually available. She first saw a solicitor using a free hour. She then started to put her documentation together ( kept at a friends house not in his home). She also started squirrelling cash away into her own account to build up a nest egg. She has also sold a few things to add to it. She has now (reluctantly) documented the abuse by way of a journal. She has been in contact with the refuge who gave more advice. She has also ( finally) applied for child benefit in her name. It looks like she will qualify for far more help than she thought she could. Armed with that she is currently looking for a place to live for her and her children, and has just been accepted for a flat she’s offered for. It’s not ideal, and not exactly in her preferred area, but it’s close.
it’s not easy, but it’s certainly worth taking advice. I’m sure others will be on soon with far more knowledge than I have. I hope you can soon resolve things to help you both get out safely.

@Maverick99 thank you will check that out. No, no financial abuse tbf. The debt is all my fault! Although a good part of it I spent it on things for the baby and he did not buy her a single thing, but he did pay for many others things like trips etc (he earns much more than me though)

Refusing to pay for essentials so you're forced to get a credit card and buy them is financial abuse, if that's what happened.

Credit card debt is unsecured, non-priority debt. If you’re managing to pay the minimums at the moment, that’s enough. It’s the least pressing issue. If your credit rating is OK, try to move it via balance transfer to a 0% card (check moneysavingexpert) and don’t worry too much.

Moving out. If you are being made homeless with a baby, contact your council. There are rental deposit schemes where they will assist you with the means to get a deposit in the private sector.

Benefits. Open a universal credit claim. Do it as a single person as you are not ‘in a relationship’ and are being made homeless.

You’ll be entitled to child maintenance once you move too, don’t forget.

@Diorling thank you that's encouraging and I am glad it's working out for her. Xx

Also - if it is safe to do so, stop paying any money for bills & rent in your current house. Does he want you to leave? If so, then you tell him this is the only way you can afford to move out.

Obviously don’t do this if he has no idea yet you want to leave and it would make you vulnerable to tell him. In that scenario you do need advice from Women’s Aid.

Some local authorities/councils will help with a rent deposit scheme. Worth contacting them at least as may be able to help with that initial lump sum needed to move out

Shouldn't there also be some maintenance if OP stops living with the father?

@NoSquirrels thanks a lot, that's great advice, it would be good if I can get any of that help.

Yes, stopping paying him rent/bills is something I have considered, however I am not sure how he would react and he is capable of stopping me from coming into the house altogether. We don't have a formal rental agreement, I am only in the electoral register everything else is in his name, I only send him the money each month, so I have very few rights.

He is the one asking (shouting) me to leave and I have said we will do once I get the money to do so. He could give me the money straight away but he won't do that and not sure I would want it either.

Ask him to write you a letter formally making you homeless? This will help with the council.

You may not be covered in bruised but he is still abusing you. Contact Women’s Aid and find out the number for emergency accommodation from your local council website. You should get housed temporarily, especially with a baby and the fact you are being kicked out. This will allow you to get sorted with UC,
including rent contributions, and possibly get social housing.

Absolutely!