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Relationships

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Why would a man cheat on every partner he has ever had with the same women?

12 replies

Isleybea · 05/04/2024 19:53

Why would a man cheat on every partner he has ever had with the same women?

I have just found out a friend of mine has been secretly having an on/off again relationship with someone we know for the past 15 years.

He is a friend of the family to the women in question. They started seeing each other secretly 15 years ago. They kept it quiet then as they didn't want to upset a particular member of this women's family that he is very close to, they weren't sure how it would gone down with them even though they were both single at the time.

He then left her to reconcile with the mother of his child and she moved on.
He then split with the mother of child again and started a new relationship. The women was then also in a new relationship, but they started seeing each other again.....and basically this cycle has continued through all of my friends relationships. he starts fresh with someone and then starts up with her again. They haven't been single at the same time since they started.

They are both now married. My friend has had more children and he had started up with her again.....and she has now ended it...again.

He says it's self sabotage....and he doesnt want to leave his children..and therefore wife....and that hes ok most of the time..but he thinks of her and if he sees her he wants her and wants to be around her/ enjoys her company etc.... and doesn't want to hurt anybody.

But 15 years?!?!

I hate knowing this, I'm shocked. I wish I didn't know.

What am I supposed to advise here?!

OP posts:
Loopytiles · 05/04/2024 19:56

You’re a bystander, so would stay out of it!

would think less of your friend for repeatedly cheating and wouldn’t want to discuss it with him.

Isleybea · 05/04/2024 20:26

Loopytiles · 05/04/2024 19:56

You’re a bystander, so would stay out of it!

would think less of your friend for repeatedly cheating and wouldn’t want to discuss it with him.

Thank you for your reply. Agreed. I don't want to be involved or feel any responsibility towards this situation ideally. But I can't help but to want to try and understand it...I just don't get it....and seems so out of charactor to guy I know....but then how can it be when it's been this long...??

I'm going to have to have at least one follow up conversation with him due to how our last one ended.....so ill have to say something...but then end that with that i don't want to talk about it anymore

OP posts:
Bellsandthistle · 05/04/2024 20:31

It’s fantasy. He can pretend to himself that they are soul mates, meant to be, but could never get the timing right etc and that romantic ideal they’ve painted of each other can stay alive as long as they aren’t actually in a relationship, dealing with bills, children and all that real life comes with.

SummerFeverVenice · 05/04/2024 20:35

Probably because she is discrete. Amazing it was kept secret for 15 years.

BirthdayRainbow · 05/04/2024 20:38

Hmm. Chemistry..

FineWordsButterNoParsnips · 05/04/2024 20:41

Why do you want to understand ? He enjoys an easy fuck and lying.
Hardly 'out of character', being a lying cheater defines his entire character.
His poor wife, being exposed to STDs.

MrsTerryPratchett · 05/04/2024 20:41

Because he has commitment issues and is unable to form proper relationships. He's compartmentalising love/sex/friendship in weird boxes.

I knew one of these. It stemmed from a shitty childhood. He didn't trust love, and sex was complicated. So he had half relationships with everyone. I was on again/off again with him for years because he was hot and I wasn't committed. I would NEVER have actually committed to him because he was clearly incapable of it. He tried it on with me through every relationship he had.

Until his current wife. Good for her, she has him locked down.

Isleybea · 05/04/2024 20:50

FineWordsButterNoParsnips · 05/04/2024 20:41

Why do you want to understand ? He enjoys an easy fuck and lying.
Hardly 'out of character', being a lying cheater defines his entire character.
His poor wife, being exposed to STDs.

Because we've been friends longer than this, I thought i knew him inside and out. I'm floored by this. I guess that's why I want to understand.

From what he's told me (who knows at this point?) There hasn't been alot of sex (any is awful). They have during this recent time, but prior to that the last time was around 2017. They have been regularly in contact though.

OP posts:
QueSyrahSyrah · 05/04/2024 20:55

Personally I'd advise him that I wouldn't be in touch again and to have a nice life.

I couldn't respect someone so completely morally bankrupt and I couldn't be friends with someone I have no respect for.

Leave him to it.

FineWordsButterNoParsnips · 05/04/2024 20:57

Oh well you can definitely believe all the words that come out of his mouth 😂

Isleybea · 05/04/2024 21:04

SummerFeverVenice · 05/04/2024 20:35

Probably because she is discrete. Amazing it was kept secret for 15 years.

Absolutely. I've been there during this 15 years....and the break ups and meeting new people etc....I've been in the same room as them...I didn't have a clue 🤯

OP posts:
Isleybea · 05/04/2024 21:09

FineWordsButterNoParsnips · 05/04/2024 20:57

Oh well you can definitely believe all the words that come out of his mouth 😂

Well yeah exactly...questioning everything now

OP posts:
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