DH and I have been married for 7 years after a short whirlwind romance. It was a leap of faith and I believe all of our shared aspirations. He's kind and nurturing on a day to day basis and 50/50 with kids and housework as we both work.
Recently however I've started to wake up to the fact that we're not actually 50/50. I breastfeed and have little sleep, and work slightly more hours, better pay. I desperately wanted to give up work when baby #2 came along for a wee while, but he didn't even try to look for a job 'got no quals, skills, experience, blah bla' so I went back to work part-time 4 months PP which was brutal. He's always had minimum wage jobs, no initiative or savings and low self esteem. He has a core negative belief that he's loser and doesn't deserve anything better. I'm so over it.
I feel like this is a BS excuse to not try and instead coast through life. I moved abroad to start a life with him as he had a teenage child at the time. I paid for and organised the entire move. I paid for and organised our honeymoon, I still have a flat in my hometown in UK and have tried to help him many times with his aspirations (he's an artist).
Now I'm stuck abroad, very very expensively far away, with no support, 2 tiny children, a massive mortgage and no sleep. I quite often feel like I'm going nuts. My MiL is around and she is judgemental and just enables his incompetence. She has been no help whatsoever.
I take full responsibility now that I made decisions to get to this point but how do I move forward? Have told DH all of this several times over the years but nothing changes. Thanks for getting this far!!