My recent relationship has just ended. I feel like due to a bad upbringing I don’t actually understand what love is supposed to look like. He was a really really good guy who showed me that he cared at the start so much. He was my comfort and I felt so safe with him. I’m not sure if I was in love with him or just attached. I don’t know if I’ve ever been in love as every relationship partner I’ve had I felt like I relied on them to give me that comfort. But I do think that yes I was definitely attached as I get attached easily but I do also think I loved him, I did want what’s best for him wether it was good health or I helped him with his career, payed for him and tried to support his dreams. But I did also rely on him to make me feel better when I felt bad as I felt like I couldn’t do it myself. I’m not sure whether it’s me who was insecure or he made me insecure or maybe a mixture of both. I’ve never been a very secure person but when he started dating he’d still be following his ex’s even when I told him it made me feel uncomfortable and insecure he didn’t listen until we got into big fights about it. He would look at naked women online and it took me months to try and talk him out of doing it and finally make him understand it wasn’t necessarily a very respectful or loyal thing to do. I also wasn’t sure if I was ready for a relationship but after a while he made me feel so special and loved I caved in and started to develop feelings. We had some good memories besides the few bickers in the first year. After a year I moved in with him and I felt like maybe it was too early looking back but to be honest I loved our routine for me it was a great thing and it felt so good having someone always next to you. I guess he might have felt differently maybe I should have discussed that more with him. After a year, he started going out a lot more drinking due to issues with his family. He didn’t handle alcohol well and would black out and lose memory. It would make me really worried so I tried to tell him to cool down a bit with it. He’s a very big family guy and whenever anything minor or major would occur in his family it would greatly affect how he treated me. I went away for a week, when I came back I found out he lied about staying at his friends house and was actually at a club where he got accused of kissing another girl. He begged and pleaded on his knees and said he lost his memory from alcohol he didn’t and I didn’t really have much proof so I believed him because he was always very loyal to me. Since then however my trust wasn’t the same and I think the way I treated him really changed. I would get mad at him literally over small things and lost my sex drive. He started irritating me. He kept lying about different things. But there were times where he really tried when he saw I was distant and I’d just push him away because I think I felt like he owed me something and I didn’t need to give him anything back for breaking my trust. From there it just got worse and worse, and we would argue more and more and he never actually listened to how I was feeling or tried to change and I would rarely make an effort because he wouldn’t listen to my needs so I thought why would I listen to his. He went out every single weekend and it made me so mad because I was worried about anything else happening. I would start insulting him and he would start being aggressive with me. Even through all this he always told me he loved me but it was hard to believe for some reason probably because I felt so insecure from the lying and looking at other girls. It got really bad to the point where a week ago he cheated and that’s definite because there were photos of him and another woman naked on his phone. He didn’t even admit to it I found them myself. The final straw was him hitting me and saying he doesn’t want to be with me anymore. I want to know were we both not compatible? Did our needs not match? Did I bring out the worst in him? Should have I tried more, been less snappy? The only reason I am asking is because I want to understand what I did to drive him away so much. Why did he start resenting me so much? What happened to the person he was at the start. Did I turn him into a monster or was he always like this