Experience and advice needed?

[JollyDeer]

Hi,
I have been in a long distance relationship for about 6 months with a guy who lives 200 miles away. I have children, and he has a child who he has every other weekend.
Our relationship has developed beautifully. We see each other every other weekend, we speak all the time on the phone & we manage our long distance well despite our personal circumstances. My children think he’s wonderful, even my eldest who had a few issues to begin with.
We found ourselves in a tough position towards the end of last year, facing losing our home & a long relationship breakdown between myself and my ex partner which was a mutual split as things didn’t work out. (Not the father to my children.)
We have since moved into a temporary flat, which is too small for all of us, but we are grateful for what we have as that’s all I could afford as a lone parent.
Just to add, my children aren’t in contact with their father. He has chosen to not be a part of their lives which was a decision made by him.
And I have no family support, no parents or any adults who are particularly close to my children, besides an Uncle of theirs who has a severe drinking problem and I feel he’s not the best for them.

My question is, has anyone been in a similar position and moved long distance to be with their partner? How long did you wait? Did it work out or not? How did it affect your children?
It’s a conversation my partner and I have had about our future. He’s willing to relocate for me, but I feel like I would be pulling him away from his family, his daughter and his job which is secure and very well paid. I told him I’d be happy to move in the future, but I need the timing to be right for the children and for myself financially wise. I don’t want to rush into things between us as we’re still getting to know each other, and the children are getting to know him. I would just really like to hear others’ experiences. Thank you.

wtf

you have been with him the grand total of 6 months?

by the sounds of it…. your children have experienced a heck of a lot of disruption as a result of your relationship choices already

just let them bloody settle

you won’t though

Please be very very cautious before you even think about uprooting your children and moving 200 miles for any man. Especially one you've only known for 6 months. A man encouraging this is a real red flag as you don't know each other yet.

6 months isn’t long enough to make a life changing decision that will impact your children. Please be cautious. If you’ve not spent longer than a weekend with him how can you know whether you’d be able to live with him full time? It might be six months since you meet him but you literally spent only 24 days in his company….

Wait longer! 6 months is nothing!

He’s willing to relocate for me, but I feel like I would be pulling him away from his family, his daughter and his job which is secure and very well paid.

He's willing to relocate for you but it's your feelings that are saying you'd be better going to him. Please consider whether he might have manipulated you into those thoughts.

In answer to your question, yes I did move far away from all that I knew to be with a man, nine months after first meeting. It was the biggest mistake of my life. In my defence I did not know what a healthy relationship looked like so just went along with what I see now I was manipulated into.

Please be very, very careful with this one, especially for your children. They need your protection above all else.

Why have you even introduced your children to this man?
It's much too early. You've only known each other for six months!

Thanks for your responses.

I’m not planning on moving at the end of the week, or the month, or even before the year is out. He’s not manipulating me in any way, shape or form. I’m not being coerced into moving or feeling that I am the one who has to move. It’s a decision I am contemplating based on our circumstances. He is the one who has said the decision is mine, and there’s no pressure on when this may happen, or even how. We plan to take things slowly but have thought about the future together and how we could make things work long term.

My children’s father was the biggest manipulator of them all. We were together for 6 years & I experienced so much heartache just to try to make things work. My ex with whom I lived with, we were a team but nothing more.

This guy I met in person. He wasn’t a complete stranger & knows many people I know. It wasn’t an online hook up or through any online dating platform. We have been on dates, surprise meet ups, and weekends away. He met the children in a public place & has since met them on other occasions. I’ve also met his child. He’s met all of my friends & I’ve met most of his through work, his hobbies & I’ve met his family (and he has many friends, more than I do!)

I was asking for others’ experiences and advice to see if anyone has relocated before with their children. Obviously my children come first, & it’s not a decision I will make lightly based on a 6 month relationship only. So many other factors are involved and this is why I have posted today - to see if others have made the leap and to hear outcomes - happy or not.

You barely know this guy. I wouldn't be thinking of moving him in for a couple of years and then he comes to you so there's less disruption for your children, especially as they are at school.

this is depressing

It's much too early to think about this, OP.

Six months is no time.