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Relationships

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Original poster

Not sure if he's not interested

26 replies

usermoan · 04/04/2024 17:31

Been talking/dating a guy for 5 weeks, we've only meet twice (last time two weeks ago) and in daily communication he's mentioned last week that he should be out having fun with me but instead he was food shopping/chores and that he feels like he's undateable at moment

I responded saying that was fine and if he was trying to say he wasn't into it that was fine and he responded that he was he just doesn't want me to think he's not interested as he is

Since then we are still in contact but no arrangements to meet, I'm kind of wondering if I'm wasting me time and thinking should I text and just say that as he says he undatable im going to take it as he's not interested and wish him the best in he's search?

Just finding it's making me a little anxious now

OP posts:

workshy46 · 04/04/2024 17:35

Wasting your time, in my experience if you have to ask they are not interested. If you are confused they are not interested. if you have to have the "where are we going conversation" its going nowhere
Men who are interested leave you in no doubt

NeurodivergentBurnout · 04/04/2024 17:37

I agree. If after two dates, he’s not keen to get another one booked in, he’s just not that in to you, whether that’s because he’s busy and ‘undateable’ or if he’s just not that keen and not bold enough to say so.

WishesPromised · 04/04/2024 17:38

He's too wishy washy. Let him go.

MistyFrequencies · 04/04/2024 17:39

If he was interested, you wouldnt need to ask. You would know.

feelingalittlehorse · 04/04/2024 17:40

Firstly, my sympathies. Dating is absolutely shite, and draining af. Hate it.

Secondly, honestly? He sounds like a time waster. And that he is just tossing you breadcrumbs. I think if he wanted to see you, he would. And if he’s too cowardly just to say as much, then he can go straight in the bin.

Unless you want to keep hanging around, I’d throw this one back and find someone who values the time they get to spent with you.

RainRaingoaway01 · 04/04/2024 17:40

If he’s doing chores instead of seeing you that says it all.

SamW98 · 04/04/2024 18:00

He's wasting your time. If he says he wishes he was out having fun with you then why isn’t he? It’s not like he’s busy with pre arranged holidays, nights out etc - he’s literally using his free time to do chores he could do at another time.

And again 2 dates in 5 weeks is zero effort.

Id say thanks but no thanks to this one

LifeIsShitt · 04/04/2024 18:02

How comes you've only met twice in 5 weeks?

samestyle · 04/04/2024 18:17

Avoid anyone that can't manage to date around chores that's ridiculous if that's his reason, more likely trying to cover up the real reason, no money to date or another gf
Don't invest time into chatting everyday when he can't give you his time to meet up.

Watchkeys · 04/04/2024 18:19

Don't continue to date someone who doesn't communicate clearly with you, unless you want a relationship with someone who doesn't communicate clearly with you.

Hillrunning · 04/04/2024 18:25

His comment is really odd. Either he is food shopping and doing chores as he is a parent so needs to do these thing for his children, in which case it's a really shitty thing to moan to you about or he lives alone and is just prioritising shopping and chores over fun which makes makes him a bore anyway.

MissConductUS · 04/04/2024 18:29

You've become his backup plan. He's also been out with someone he fancies more but is keeping you on the hook in case it doesn't work out with her.

All you can do is move on. If I'm wrong, or if it doesn't work out with the other woman, he'll be back.

Original poster

usermoan · 04/04/2024 18:51

Yes your all probably right and for whatever reason I really don't think he's that Interested. He will keep on messaging as usual and I don't want to ghost so might just reply something like this... hoe does this read ?

you’ve referenced a few times you’re not very datable at the moment… So I’m just going to take that as you’re not really interested in getting to know each other, I’m very intentional about dating as I know I’m looking for a relationship! Good luck hope you find what your looking for x

OP posts:

MissConductUS · 04/04/2024 19:16

That's perfect, usermoan. You've nothing to lose at the moment since he isn't available now.

villamariavintrapp · 04/04/2024 20:47

He'll just reply, same as before, round and round, you already know what his actions show you. I'd just leave it.

NeurodivergentBurnout · 04/04/2024 22:09

Yeah I would probably add in ‘I’ve enjoyed your company but this isn’t working for me.’ You will end up going round in circles and if he is keeping your attention, it prevents you meeting anyone else.

Francisflute · 05/04/2024 10:46

No don't make it about him not being interested. He will reassure you and you'll go round in circles .

He is interested in someone to text and chat to online. I found a lot of men want this kind of company and are satisfied by it. Don't indulge it. Waste of time. Either someone makes the time and effort to see you in person or it's not real.

I would say 'you keep mentioning being undateable. I'm looking for an in person relationship, not really someone to text for weeks. I'm going to leave things here but all the best'.

Francisflute · 05/04/2024 10:52

In future, if in early dating an avoidable break in meet ups comes up such as uni exams, project deadline or a trip abroad ask them to get in touch when it's over to arrange a drink (maybe to send you the occasional pic if it's a holiday if you want to be nice). Don't be a free texting/ offloading service from near strangers. You're not getting to know each other and developing chemistry unless meeting in person , and it is not a good investment of your time and emotional energy.

SamW98 · 05/04/2024 11:13

usermoan · 04/04/2024 18:51

Personally I wouldn’t mention him not being interested as that leaves it open for him to try and twist it that he is.

Just say that you want more than a penpal and looking for regular dates so this isn’t right for you and wish him well.

Watchkeys · 05/04/2024 13:16

In fact, it's you who aren't interested in him, regardless of how he feels about you. You want someone who is demonstrative with their feelings, and he's not it.

Ilovelurchers · 05/04/2024 21:38

Is it not likely he is in a relationship? I tend to assume this with men who are keen over chat but rarely/never available to meet.

Your message is fine. Even if he does then change his tune a bit and insist he is interested, I would set a deadline and stick to it - no meet up within a week, I would bin him off.

CheekyHobson · 05/04/2024 21:54

If someone says they're not really dateable right now, they're telling you the truth.

He might still find you attractive and desirable, he might even be up for a bit of hanging out and fucking around, but he's either not looking for a serious relationship in general, no matter how fabulous you are, or he's not super-into you.

I'm dating someone and for both of us there are things that make dating quite difficult right now (and for some time to come), but we're both super-into each other and serious about having a relationship so we're doing anything and everything we can to make it work.

If you're left wondering/confused, this isn't the one for you.

B1rd · 06/04/2024 00:24

I read it as he's totally lacking in self confidence, in which case you should move on. Because you will end up trying to boost him and that's not going to work.

mondaytosunday · 06/04/2024 00:56

Just say 'hi X, sorry but I don't think it's going to work out. Best of luck'. Leave it at that.

KitKatChunki · 06/04/2024 01:03

If you've formulated the title of this you must know on one level he isn't interested. We all know what men who are interested are like and you won't need to second guess.

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