First date nerves

[Ferniebrook]

Hi all,

Going on a date today - first one in a very long time (1-2 years). Have been out of the game for 6 year really, just had a few short term relationships but then got focused on myself and my son and work. Just kind of stumbled across this guy on an app I was half heartedly using. Feeling really nervous and already fantasising about cancelling, which would be silly, because he seems nice and at the least we'll probably have a laugh.

Any tips for overcoming nerves?

Just do it nervous! Have a lovely time.

I like that, do it nervous!

I don't get nervous, the way I overcome it is, think that they are really looking forward to meeting you and you are there to judge if you would like to see him again, put out of your mind what he thinks of you.
Just let the conversation go with the flow, dont over think it.
The only time I feel like cancelling is because i don't fancy them enough going by pictures and having doubts.

Dating is a test for potential partners to see how good they are at supporting you in different situations. This one is to see how he copes when you're nervous. See how he gets on. If he's not very good at it, you don't need to see him for long, or see him again.

Hopefully you'll shortly be finding out how he deals with you when you're weak at the knees.

I love this!

@Ferniebrook This is me today, too! Like you, out of the game a long time (last date was summer 2021, I think, then last relationship ended early 2020), and I was idly looking on Bumble when I found one I liked the look of. The nerves are increasing as the day goes on.

Report back! We are doing an activity (which is may fault as I suggested it would be better to do something active) but that is going to last 2 hours. Wishing we were just going for a drink..ok no more negatives, all positive - just going to enjoy it - ahhhhhh

I will report back :) I think an activity is a good thing, it's something to talk about. We're meeting for drinks and dinner in a town half way between the two of us. I'm hoping there won't be too many awkward silences 😬Have a lovely time!

I think nerves are good tbh. It’s normal to feel a bit anxious meeting someone for first time and it’s a sign of how things are going if you start to relax and feel at ease quickly.

Depends on the activity! Crazy golf, manageable. Swimming. Not so much!

Don't over think it. Dating is just an opportunity to meet new people. You might hit it off. You might not you can go have fun and enjoy getting yourself out and about again.

Thanks for all the comments.

Update: date was fine but long - 4 hours. I think it was obvious quite early no click and he was a bit aloof, but pleasant evening. Note to self: keep first dates simple & short (unless want to be longer).

It has bolstered my enthusiasm for dating. What apps are best for mid 40s ?

Glad to hear it went ok. My advice is always make the first date a simple coffee or drink when it can be as long or short as you both want.

Ive had a first date that ended after 30 minutes and that felt like 3 days and another that lasted 6/7 hours and neither of us wanted to leave.

Thanks yeah. I think in future I just need to call it earlier if there isn't a connection. He was suggesting we stayed longer/ got more drinks but I think he wanted my company but not in a romantic way, which isn't what I'm after...