Hmm, strange one this and apologies a long one! I'm not sure this is the right forum to put this on but I'd be interested in any advice or even just getting it out there. As daft as this sounds the other online communities I am part of are very much about sport and not a place to share this type of information.
Quick back story, been with DP 4 years now and very much in love. We were both in relationships previously that weren't great to say the least, we both feel so lucky and are able to communicate and talk about anything.
DP was in an emotionally abusive relationship with a really bad coersive controller for about 15 years - but always insisted abuse wasn't physical as he never hit her. He was awful though, wouldn't let her have friends, accused her of sleeping with any aquantance, controlling finances, had cameras fitted everywhere, put trackers on her without her knowledge, looked through her phone always, used to spend money on himself and stupid cars etc while leaving nothing for her or their kids and was very nasty in the way he spoke to her, constantly being verbally abusive and belittling her. He met her when he was 30 and she was 17 (yuck) so he's obviously very weird and in our many conversations she scarily said as she was so young she assumed his behaviour was the norm.
Since we've been together because he is DSC father we do have to have contact with him and for their sakes we try to keep it civil. It has calmed down A LOT now but at first I had nails in tyres, threats to my family and we had to get the police involved. In short he's a nasty piece of work and a prize dickhead.
Anyway fast forward to last week, we had a wonderful day out together just me and DP and she said she wanted to tell me some things that had caused her to have a break down previously and she had never told anyone bar her then therapist who really helped her. Basically she had said she was so grateful for what we had because and how lovely and intimate our relationship is because of what she went through with her ex. In addition to the above he was very controlling sexually irrespective of DPs feelings. I am not going to go into big details but he basically purchased sex toys without consent to use on DP - all focussed on a certain 'area' - DP said when he used them she would cry at the time and after but he would get kicks out of that and continued to do it until basically she got the courage to leave.
She does realise this was sexual abuse but because she said she never actually said no as she felt she had no option she felt angry at herself because of it. We had cuddle and I explained as I would always do that none of that was her fault and I am so glad she is out of that place now. She said she is so glad she has been able to tell me and I love that we can share anything with each other. She asked me though and made me promise not to get angry or tell anyone as it was done, the past and she can move on now.
Obviously because I love and respect her I get that and I have not shown her this but it has totally broken me. She is the most kind and considerate person I have ever met and the thought that someone could do this to her is just making me feel sick inside all the time. I can't believe that he is still going about his daily life in his cocky way, seemingly getting away with years of verbal, emotional and sexual abuse. I obviously won't say or do anything because for DPs sake, this matter is closed and the fact she feels that way is wonderful - I just feel so angry that she had to put with this.
I guess I just want to get it off my chest and also make sure I am doing the right thing by not doing anything if that makes sense. DP is amazing and I'm so glad she is out of that and can't wait for us to spend the rest of our life together, I just wish we didn't have to deal with him even more now!