Name changed for various reasons, in one of those rock bottom situations.
Myself (F29,) partner (m35) been together 9 years. Young children together. Always been a rollercoaster relationship. Mental health struggles on both sides. Addiction problems myself. Worked very hard, have been sober a long time, settled, had our children since being sober. We've both come a long way. Lots of therapy, finally building a good life together.
Unfortunate circumstances, which I end up being diagnosed with cancer last year. Has led me to reflect on things in my life, like reaching out to family I had lost connection with in the past due to my addictions, unhealthy behaviours and also a lot of lies, which has eaten me up inside to this day. But the current health problems has put this all into light and I am just trying to put things right. This has caused serious rift between DP and I. He has decided can no longer be with me, as too much trauma and not enough trust. Which I understand to an extent. I can accept us no longer being together. And as far as the children go I'd like to continue with being reasonable and making things as easy as possible. 50/50 custody said I'm happy to do drugs testing etc for reassurance. Even though I have never touched anything since even before pregnancy. I adore my children and have never given any reason to doubt my ability as a mother.
But I'm finding the past is being used against me as a person now. ' I don't trust you in the future' 'I need primary residency' ' you don't deserve these girls ' ' you're an unfit mother' even though agreed to constant testing and not given a single reason to doubt my sobriety. And continued therapy.
The tenancy is in his name, child benefit in his name. Therefore leaving me unable to apply for housing for both my children and I. And I'm having to stay at my dad's house, whilst recovering from cancer surgery. With not even a 'how are you feeling' just a do you know how much damage you've caused when I actually go to spend time with my children.
Am I wrong in thinking maybe just at this point in time I deserve a bit of break, instead of constantly worrying about his feelings and his needs. I honestly feel so run down and completely under his control right now its making things so hard. I hate being away from my children, but physically because of the surgery won't be able to look after them for at least another couple of weeks and already probably over doing it. ( they are just toddlers )
I am in hell, and I think just looking for some positive stories from breaking away from a relationship when you have young children, when it has been quite toxic. I do really love him, but I think in a time like this it shouldn't be so hard and that I'm already dealing with enough? If I'm being entitled put me straight! I just want hope for the future with my children that is just me and them.