To think about an ex?

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Do you think it’s ‘normal’ to sometimes, very rarely, think about the same ex?

Going back ~10 years I was in a serious relationship with a boyfriend at the time whilst in my early 20s. We had been together for a few years, had a mortgage together and I believed this was the person I would spend the rest of my life with. We happily fell pregnant but it turned out that he had actually been seeing someone else for quite a while whilst working away - long story short, our daughter sadly died as I went into early labour and he then in quick succession got married - on my birthday (coincidence?) and had two children with the person he was seeing whilst with me. He is still married (and hasn’t spoken to me since the day our daughter died).

I am now very happily engaged with a gorgeous family of my own and I am thankful for this every day as I didn’t always think this would happen.
..But from time to time I find myself sometimes thinking about this ex, searching his and his families social media and wondering how different my life would be if we were still together. I would have different friends, live in a different part of the country and ultimately have a very very different life - not good, not bad, just different.
Is this ‘normal’ or do I probably need to go speak to someone about this?

I do but im single so probably a bit different

I would definitely think of someone if I’d been through all that with them. I haven’t really got any exes as such I’ve been with my husband so long, but other people in my life who have come and gone I often think about. An old ‘friend’ added me on fb a few weeks ago and it wasn’t the best thing because I ended up thinking about all sorts from my life back then.

It seems like you're not as content as you believe with your new partner. Despite claiming you rarely think about your ex-boyfriend, you've been actively seeking him and his family on social media and imagining life with him.

This behavior isn't appropriate given your current relationship status. Maybe you're not fully over him, and it would be fairer to disclose this to your partner.

Consider taking a break to sort out your feelings or seeking therapy for assistance. Continuing the relationship while harboring these thoughts may lead to complications down the road.

Yes, I sometimes wonder how an ex is doing, fleeting thoughts though.

I'm very happily married, but my social circles still crossed over with my ex, when I got with my DH. So I just assumed that I occasionally wonder because a DH memory would also remind me of the other guy.

Those merges stopped a couple of months into our relationship, so I think about him less and less as time goes on.

I think the reason you think of him is likely linked to your baby loss which, forgive me for projecting, sounds like an incredibly painful and traumatic thing to go through, especially when coupled with the way this man immediately left you. You're probably processing the pain of that situation which is far from a "normal" breakup.

Married 5 years, 2 kids, together 8 years - still sometimes think about the one before who broke my heart. It has got less and less as the years have gone on. I used to dream about him most nights for many years. Time is a healer just try and focus on what you have now.

I always put mine down to a bit of a trauma response.