Mentioning wanting to die during fight

[TheCoral]

I wrote a thread on AIBU but think I wrote too long a post/wrote badly and the responses became a little off topic. I'm going to keep this simple.

I feel weird about my boyfriend telling me during a fight that what I said made him want to drive his car into a wall. I feel like a total fool since. He's done this three times in four years so it's not every day but it's more common that I am comfortable with. He seems to think I'm being unfair and by going silent on him afterwards, that i was the 'shitty' one (I was just needing time to clear my head).

Have you ever had this happened to you or have you said something like this during an argument? I am uncomfortable but not sure I want to walk away. Thanks Mumsnet ❤

What do you want out of this?

I wrote a thread on AIBU but think I wrote too long a post/wrote badly and the responses became a little off topic.
I went and looked. They weren't off topic at all but spot on. The majority of the posters stated he's abusive, which he is.

I haven't seen your previous thread(s). But from what you say, your relationship with this man sounds awful and dysfunctional.

I dont knwo the context but it is very clear either he is or both of you are toxic and oyu need to leave this man, or he need to leave you.

I just listened to a podcast where men making any threat to life (including their own) during an argument is a massive red flag.
Listen to this, be aware of whether other warning signs are also present, and please keep yourself safe.

https://www.bbc.co.uk/sounds/brand/m000psj8?partner=uk.co.bbc

Threatening suicide to shut down and argument is a form of abuse. It's basically 'shut up now or you'll be responsible for my death' you might not want to call it a day but you should really think about it. Xx

Your boyfriend may have deep seated issues ( likely) but that doesn’t change the fact that what he is doing is deeply manipulative and, whether consciously or not, he is doing it to use his emotional responses to control your behaviour and what you say.

I had a friend like this. She used her emotional responses to control how people behaved and what they said. Over time, and as I became a closer friend, the control increased and increased, until finally I woke up to it and finally left the friendship. What a huge sense of relief when I finally did! Like being able to breathe again.

my advice is to leave this relationship. Don’t fall into the trap of feeling sorry for him or wanting to ‘fix’ him. Women ruin themselves falling for that narrative of how they should be.

Your instinct is spot on. You are right to feel uncomfortable. That discomfort is basically your intuitive survival skill tellling you to get out,
you are not safe with this man. ( safety includes psychological and emotional safety).

Listen to yourself.