This may sound silly but I found comfort on this forum that u can just spill my feelings into and this is more of a rant to get my feelings out there. I recently broke up with my boyfriend and I know there’s no point dwelling on what went wrong but I just want to understand. He used to make me feel so special and so supported. He was literally the person I would go to and felt safe and comforted. He was only my second relationship so I don’t have much of a dating history but he’s the first person who made me feel loved and made me feel accepted no matter how much of a life wreck I would be. However a year into the relationship I realised that he wasn’t necessarily who I thought he was. He lied about something very big and it broke my trust. We started living together and I loved our routine. He started going out drinking every single weekend. We are both still young so I know maybe that’s normal but I didn’t necessarily want a boyfriend who I was worried about every single weekend when he go out and by this point I knew he was capable of lying and I was just worried. I didn’t feel like what I had to say mattered or that he considered it and it would get me very irritated and I would become snappy out of frustration. Besides the point, yes we stopped agreeing with each other and communicating. I’m scared that I brought out the worst in him when all I ever wanted to do is uplift him, help him and make our relationship work so if u did bring out the bad side of him then that would really hurt me because I always wanted the best for him. The relationship ended because he cheated. The worst thing is he didn’t even admit to it I found out through naked photos of them on his phone. He also became aggressive and completely lost patience to me, would grab me and call me names. He started caring about everyone else but me. I always wanted to work on our relationship together and help him and he always pushed me away. The reason I’m questioning it is because I don’t understand why a person who used to make me feel so safe and comfortable hurt me so much. I’m blaming myself like what could I have done differently, maybe been less snappy on some days, I’m not sure. I know there’s no point to think about it now it’s over but I really didn’t want him out of my life.