To miss sex

[MintGreenC]

Has anyone gone a very long time (years) without sex not through choice? It's 7 years now, I'm what I consider "young" to be living a sexless life. Realistically it will be at least 10 years before I'm able to have sex again (lone parent/ no family) I did a search but couldn't find anyone in a similar situation just people saying they miss sex because it's been 7 months or people in long term sexless marriages. Has anyone single (not married/ in a relationship) been in this situation not through choice? How did you cope with lack of intimacy I can't do fwb so that's not an option even then I still wouldn't have time for one.

If you haven't had sex in seven years then your youngest child must be older than seven....so surely it won't be ten years until you no longer need a babysitter to go out?

Sorry don't think I was clear, 10 years total I meant not another 10

I was living in a sexless marriage for 4 years. We separated a few months ago. Missed sex a lot, wanted it badly. Went on a few dates on OLD and met some wonderful men. Then at some point decided I was in need of sex. Met someone I have intense sexual chemistry with. Had sex with him on 3rd date. We still go out and seems that it’s developing to a relationship. Not ready for it I admit as recently separated but it would have been difficult for me to have sex with someone I do not have a connection:
Didn’t understand where is the problem in your case. What is the issue with finding someone you might have a connection with and have sex and meet for example once a week?
It’s just sex. Let’s not make it a bigger deal than It really is.

In similar situation and sympathize. I think running and anything you can explore independently on the erotic side of things are helpful.

Why 10 years?

So you want sex with a commitment but you don't have time to commit to anyone?

I think if you met someone you fancied enough all of this would go out the window and you will be down for casual sex or a one night stand if he turned you on enough.

Totally get it OP. I’ve been single 4 years and tbh the physical side is the only thing I really miss. I love everything else about being single - my DS is an adult so I don’t have the ties you do.

Ive tried dating but I’ve not met anyone I’m attracted to enough to sleep with. I know people say it’s just sex etc but if you’re not wired for casual - as I’m not - you need a connection to even kiss let alone have sex and in 4 years I’ve not found that with anyone. Being a slow burn sort of person and missing intimacy are at odds with each other which makes it very difficult.

no chance, I don't do casual. I've done it in the past but it left me feeling like shit. Not going down that path again no matter how "good looking" someone may be. I don't like feeling like I'm only good enough for sex.

Because it's already been 7 and will be another 3 minimum before my oldest could possible watch the younger children for me to go out occasionally but then that's relying on them actually wanting to do that but I would probably say more than 3 years but by that time it's 10 years total.

I don't understand this. Why can't you get a babysitter to be able to go out in the evenings? What do you do when you want to see friends? Or if babysitter is genuinely not an option why can't you have someone to your house for supper or ask a friend to watch the children occasionally?

I don't see friends. Not unless the kids are with me. I have no one that can watch them I have 4 children. It's nice that you are not in the position to understand not everyone has people that can watch their children especially 4.

Are your kids in school? You need a nice fwb to meet up with during the day!

As I said I don't want a fwb

Just wondered if anyone is in a similar situation so I know I'm not alone not advice about finding a fwb I've done them in the past when younger and before kids and didn't like it.

What about try meeting someone but do coffee dates during the day while kids are at school (or do you have some at home)?

@MintGreenC why can't you get a babysitter sorry? If they are all asleep then you could get a babysitter and go out with friends and hope to meet people or arrange some dates on tinder.

I'm not trying to be difficult I just think there must be a solution.

I would explore the babysitter route or possible dating in school time, you may find a shift worker? I definitely wouldn’t be thinking that your eldest will start babysitting for you when they are older. My oldest is 16 and I personally don’t think he is responsible enough to look after my youngest children for any length of time. He is bright but would definitely neglect any childcare duties in favour of hanging out with friends or gaming. It obviously depends on the child!

It sounds to me that you want more than sex, you want a relationship.

You definitely want a relationship.... not just sex.

I did 10 years of no sex thanks to dead bedroom in marriage amongst other things. I coped by switching that side of myself off... I also felt totally undesirable as had gained loads of weight. In the last few years I've got back in shape and done online dating. I tried FWB and then had a 10 month relationship with great sexual chemistry. I'm currently single again but don't plan on going for too long without sex and affection again as I need it. Not sure what to suggest for you but where there's a will, there's a way.

I was terrified the first time after the 10 year drought but my FWB was really understanding and sweet actually. My view... life is short so find a way to get out there.

I would be happy for my teen to babysit and no different to paying someone else's teen to babysit 🤔 my youngest would be 10 by then so he wouldn't be babysitting a baby.

As others have said I definitely don't want a fwb I know it works for many but from past experience I didn't enjoy it and made me feel the opposite of confident if I'm honest really knocked my confidence

I was in a celibate marriage for 11 years, my ex husband (because of course I divorced him), was an alcoholic and basically just wanted a scivvy for company. This was my second marriage and it put me off wedding cake for life. All joking aside, it destroyed my self confidence and it was ages before I regained it.
I met someone a few months after I'd left the marital home, and made up for lost time.

I'm now single again, my choice after my relationship which lasted 4 years ended.
All I can say is thank God for Lovehoney.