stalemate and frustrated

[helpmeoutplease]

How do you resolve a situation where both people want something different and neither can be persuaded to change their mind. One offers the other the choice of solutions but makes it very clear they would be unhappy if it was against their views basically meaning that there is not really a choice available at all, but giving false hope. Equally though this arguement can be turned around the other way as asking the other person to make the choice would put them in the same situation. Both have stated their reasons for and against the choices without any further progress.

I usually find, hmop, that if you keep discussing something, solutions do come up,but it would be much more helpful if you could be more specific.

Well, if both people want something differnet, neither should be persuaded to change their mind or have to change, far better to go their seperate ways.

There is no law saying people have to have the same things and compromise, it is always a choice, and if you choose not to, that's not a bad thing. Maybe the relationship has come to a natural end. Either way both parties need to realise they can't ask the other to change and so either accept them completely or let them go.

Thanks for replying - It's not a relationship ending scenario but I'm sorry I don't really want to be more specific right now. I guess somehow we have to talk again, but hard when DH thinks the subject is closed as he's had enough of talking and having told me it's up to me but making it clear on his views he is saying that I do have a choice - but I don't when he puts it like that. I've tried to understand his choice but I cant. He cant seem to understand he hasn't given me a choice truely.

You might perhaps consider counselling to see if there are any further compromises and/or solutions which maybe neither of you have thought of. Counselling might just also help one of you to "see" the other's viewpoint more clearly - which in turn might then mean that suddenly there is a way forward after all.

Alternatively, if someone says it's "up to you" then you take them at their word and make the final decision. If their attitude however, indicates they'd be unhappy at that decision you'd then have to decide if you wanted to gamble on it all going wrong ...... though arguably, someone who says "it's up to you" shouldn't really complain if something they then don't want happens IYWIM. It's not fair to give someone a choice if you're then going to object to it.

I suppose you have to ask does he really mean it when he says that ..... would you have to pay too high a price if you chose ?

..... it's difficult to comment really without knowing what this is about, but IMO, someone who says "it's up to you" when they don't really mean that is absolving their responsibility in the matter (whatever it is) ....... eg. you make the decision, it goes wrong, they can then blame you. And/or they don't want to be seen as the "bad guy" by definitely putting their foot down.

A mediator who can be trusted and unbiased to hear both sides can often help, at least to referee if both sides get a little heated

So you're not going to change you mind on this and neither is he, and yet it isn't a relationship-ending scenario?

Are we talking something simple like what colour to paint the kitchen or sometihng like what to do next weekend where you can both have your own way but do it seperately?

Or are we talking more important significant things here? In which case if neither of you changes your mind or compromises then surely it would be a relationship-ending scenario?