Hi there i need so assurances and maybe some blunt honest truth! i dont have much of a support network around me.
Ive been in a relationship with my former director for a couple for yrs now, following us both getting divorced. we both have one child each (13 and 7).
Initally all was amazing, got along brilliantly (stil do) but then things started going downhill when we moved in together.
it would be little things like on one occassion he went to the store and brought dinner for him and his daughter and didnt think to pick mine up, then expected me to cook it for them. (*this was addressed). hes often thoughtless like that, and quite obsessed with his daughter at times, so he only thinks of her rather than the whole house.
Anyway, more serious points:
with his ex wife he wasnt allowed to drink, hed always relayed to me that he had drank heavily, and he understood it was a problem but it was escapism because he was so unhappy.
the we moved in and he started drinking here and there, it would be fine if we were out socially having a few, but then there have been instances where hes gone out and either gone AWOL for hours, not answered his phone or texts. Theres been times he has lied to me and said he was out drinking with his friend, but i knew his friend had left hours before, he'd remained at the pub alone rather than come home.
Last summer he came home so wasted (i suspect coke aswel as booze) that he pooped himself, all over the house, he was out of his mind. had no clue and i had to scrub bedding, carpets and bathrooms at 4am- then hide it all from his daughter when she woke up.
most recently, he lied about being home all night (While i was at a work event) but he got caught out by a failed amazon delivery. turns out he was a the pub. continued t lie about it when put on the spot though.
Beyond the drinking, we had issues with commitment from him- we had both been clear in the first yr, that our plan was we were moving in together and marriage was also the plan. he never followed through on that, dispite making many hints and suggestions it was imminent.
it caused me alot of sadness that i'd felt led on. I had moved into his property, moved my childs school etc etc to suit these plans. now, tbf, we never had a time frame, but it wasn't, and still isnt anywhere on the horizon.
This past weekend was easter, and he was drinking alone in the evenings after id gone to bed. id turned a blind eye to it. Then easter sunday we had the families over and had a great day. we walked his parents home and stopped in at the local for a G&T on route back. as we were leaving for home he popped to the toilet in the pub and came out telling me he'd done a line. I was gobsmacked. this man is nearly 50, a father, a professional and i thought he was past all that behaviour.
I said id had enough, i didnt trust him i was fed up with this. i feel like he has been disrectpful to our relationship, and to me.
I feel so sad that im in a relationship like this. i dont think i will be able to hide his behaviour (if it continues,) from the children as they grow up.
So hes sat down with me yesterday though and begged, promised to stop drinking so much, assured me hes only done it last week. i feel so so so so awful for him, my heart breaks because i do love him but i dont trust or respect him and i think i need to leave?