Blocking a narcissist?

[beatrix1234]

Hello all,

I’m in a very toxic relationship with a narc, I dated this guy for 3 months a while ago then we broke up, he’s been “wanting to be friends” for a year and keeps texting me, I’ve hanged out with him a few times and even had sex (silly me). I thought we could stay as “friends with benefits” but he’s so toxic it’s not worth it (plus the sex is bad). I think I have a trauma bond with this person and every time I start to move on he "weasels" himself into my life then discards me again. I’ve decided to block this person for good, I don't need this negative energy in my life, my question is: should I send him a polite “I don’t want further engagement nor you to contact me again” message or should I just block block without further explanation?. I’m asking because this guy is not right in the head (he’s got a harassment police order from his ex) and if he continues harassing me I may need to go to the police and show them I sent him a “cease and decease”message for them to take any action.

So should I just block with no explanation or send a “cease and decease” message to stop contacting me THEN block? What’s the best way to go forward and the best way to make a narc less angry? I'm afraid of him.

Thanks all.

I would not send any messages.

How would he harass you if you had blocked him? Would he come to your home?

I don't know what the standard advice in a situation like this is but I would be inclined to do nothing. Just stop giving him any supply.

When was the last time he contacted you and what did he say? How did you reply?

Maybe tell him you have a new boyfriend who’s a policeman?

I did that once with a psycho and it worked! I also had cameras installed outside my house (a ring doorbell will do and are pretty cheap) and made sure to tell him that.

He can harass me in many ways (unbeknown to me he did it to his ex) like knocking on my door, leaving anonymous bad reviews to my business, airing my dirty laundry at my work place etc... I just want to send him a formal "please stop contacting me" cease and decease letter before blocking him in case I ever need to go to the police because this is the first thing they are going to ask me, I mean... in their eyes If I never told the guy to stop contacting me I don't have a case.

@Ohffsbarbara Maybe tell him you have a new boyfriend who’s a policeman?

Good one! Problem is we have a "friend" in common who I recently told I'm not seeing anyone at the moment so that ship has sailed...

No more contact. Just block. If he finds another way to contact later on, then send the message asking him to no longer message

(I think it's cease and desist, although ceace and decease would definitely sort your problems out if it was him doing the deceasing. It would be a precursor to legal action, in this case an injunction, if you want to go down the legal route.)

I would tell him clearly and immediately not to contact you again, in writing, and that any further contact from him will be construed as harrassment and reported to the police.

Get a ring doorbell, block him on every platform, screenshot or photograph and document any attempt at contact, do not respond under any circumstance and report immediately to the police.

I'm just trying to think about what would be the easiest route to him completely leaving you alone - so avoid the knocking on the door and less likely to need police down the line etc.

It's hard to say without know what your last few interactions were. Would the 'don't contact me message' be in direct response to a message he sent very recently?

My anger is not in response to a specific message, he's just been bloody messaging me a whole year, trying to wind me up, sometimes he gets drunk and sends me horrible messages. I have the patience of a saint but I'm done with this shyte and want this energy vampire out of my life so I'm trying to figure out a good solid strategy and what's the best way IF I ever need to contact police.

The only stragegy is to tell him not to contact you again, mean it, block on every platform, document any harrassment and report. There isn't a magic number you can call to deal with energy vampires, but your actions can be either very effective, or continue the cycle.