I've been struggling with no contact. It's been an on and off relationship and the last time I tried to do a no contact rule, I left my WhatsApp unblocked and he came and started telling me he wants me, and loves me blah blah blah. So I tested him to see if he is willing to not pursue anyone else but me as he's had a history of cheating on me with other women. There's a show he is planning to have and said he was going to invite a woman to the show that he is seemingly interested in. I was confused by his mixed signals as he was saying he's interested in me not her. But I thought how could you say that if you're entertaing other people. ( He went to see another woman who he started speaking to while we were still patching things up and said he only "spooned" her.) He was slyly refusing to stop that interaction and said I needed to be focused on him before he cut ties with this woman. I thought, nah why should I if you have had history of cheating and blocked him. I'm hoping this is the last time I speak to him because I know I have a trauma bond and it's been hard to not speak to him. But writing this out is just making me see how crazy I've been to even bring myself to speak to a man who clearly doesn't love me.
P.s apologies about this long text. I just need to rant to feel better 😪