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Original poster

What do you define as love?

26 replies

Dorsebound · 02/04/2024 18:55

Just lighthearted really. I feel like im in love with my partner but as its early days and new territory for me, im not going to say a thing. How do you know you are in love?

OP posts:
Watchkeys · 02/04/2024 19:09

I wouldn't be able to define it; it's a big collection of feelings, rather than a fact that you can explain to someone.

Original poster
Dorsebound · 03/04/2024 12:23

But do you just know, or is it infatuation?

OP posts:
Hereyoume · 03/04/2024 13:14

I think most people confuse lust with love.

I think that "love" is what's in the background, the foreground is the subject of the picture, but the background gives the scene context.

There is a beautiful song by Christy Moore called The Voyage, it describes a relationship as a literal vessel, and the couple as the ship's crew. There's a verse which goes,

"With no map to guide us, we steered our own course, rode out the storms when the winds were gale force. Sat out the doldrums in patience and hope, working together we learned how to cope"

I think that verse perfectly describes what "love" really is.

Watchkeys · 03/04/2024 13:30

I think most people confuse lust with love

Many people in lust confuse lust with love.

People in love know the difference.

BumpyaDaisyevna · 03/04/2024 13:31

I used to think that love was that crazy excited super attached don't want to spend an hour apart kind of feeling, idealistic feelings about the other being perfect and you being made for each other.

Now I'm older I think that is infatuation/attachment.

I think more mature love is kind of wonderful and good but there is a lot of pain mixed in with it. Because they are separate from you, you don't control them, you can't make them love you forever, and one day you will lose them, one way or another.

Less idealistic more realistic- eg in some ways my partner is not absolutely everything I dreamed of. But that's ok. He is a person of his own and he is not on this planet to meet 100% of my needs. I still love and need him and he me.

Tattooloo · 03/04/2024 13:37

I think love is something you do - the way you are with and act towards someone. You can make a choice to love someone.
How early is early days?

Original poster
Dorsebound · 03/04/2024 13:51

@BumpyaDaisyevna my best friend was like this - such a volatile relationship and even with cheating and abuse to the max, she still says she was madly in love with him.

My partner and i dated for a few months a long time ago and are now back together again. I knew there was something different about 'us' years ago and even now but i do also think its one sided which is a shame really. Do i try and find someone who adores me like i adore him, or do i go with the flow here...! Questions! But i love hearing about others and how they frame love in their eyes.

OP posts:
PermanentTemporary · 03/04/2024 13:56

Love, love is a doing word.

To me, real partner love is being willing to be someone's carer if they need it (to the best of your ability and without destroying yourself). That's based on my history.

Otherwise, it's being prepared to put them first.

Blushingm · 03/04/2024 13:59

I think it's wanting my DP to be as happy as he can be and facilitating that - as well as enjoying being with him more than anyone else.

Starlight1979 · 03/04/2024 14:01

I knew I was in love with DP straight away. Not wanting to spend time apart, thinking about each other constantly, spending all night lay awake not wanting to go to sleep, not being able to get through a meal without wanting to get home and rip each others clothes off...

HOWEVER... These are the early "honeymoon" stages of love (or lust!). If you're lucky then this progresses to something much deeper. I am still massively in love with my DP but it's now completely different. We've been though tough times together, seen each other at our worst, had to guide and support each other through family bereavements and illnesses, miscarriages, work and financial difficulties... But here we are now and the man I fell in love with on day one is more loving, caring and stronger than I ever imagined and better than anything I could have ever dreamt of. He is solid as a rock, puts family and friends before anything else, always makes sure I'm ok, puts up with me and my difficult ways (!) and makes me appreciate the simple, easy life more than I ever have done. Oh and we still have amazing sex too 😃

Vroomfondleswaistcoat · 03/04/2024 14:05

To me, love is something that makes your life feel better for having that person in it, and not being able to bear the thought of them NOT being in it. That way it covers love for partner, children and pets - I love them as much as I have loved a partner, although it is a different kind of love for not having lust in the mix.

Opentooffers · 03/04/2024 14:05

To my mind you are confusing semantics. 'In love' is the infatuation stage at the start and is different from 'loving someone'. So yes, you could well feel 'in love' at the start or early on, but that is not the time to say you 'love' someone.
You should wait till that has worn off a bit and you are at a point where you know their ins and outs and still like them. If you've met their friends and family, are more entwined in each others lives, know that you respect them, and they respect you, and still get a warm fuzzy feeling when you think of them and your lives gel, that's the time to say you love them with all credibility. That's when you know it's love, not lust ( at least 6months to a year).

Starlight1979 · 03/04/2024 14:06

Blushingm · 03/04/2024 13:59

I think it's wanting my DP to be as happy as he can be and facilitating that - as well as enjoying being with him more than anyone else.

Yes I should have added this to mine! My DP is my best friend and the person I want to spend time with more than anyone else in the world.

I had a really average (that turned to bad) relationship for years. Nobody's fault but we both dragged it out for far longer than we should have done. I used to dread getting home on a Friday after work as I knew a weekend of arguments then ignoring each other lay ahead.

Now I look forward to getting home every night. Even just the small things like making tea, chatting about our day and then settling down to watch Grand Designs or some other rubbish makes me so happy with DP 😊

GoodnightJude1 · 03/04/2024 14:07

It’s such a hard word to define.

I’d say that for me, love is putting someone first. Doing all that you can to make that person happy, safe, healthy and cared for.

Obviously that only works if they are prepared to do the same for you.

My DH is honestly my best friend. There isn’t anything I’d rather do with anyone else. I trust him completely and feel happiest when I’m with him.

The only people that come before him are the DC.

IncompleteSenten · 03/04/2024 14:10

Long term romantic love imo is about comfort, stability, reliability. Really knowing someone. Having a history with them. Having fun, sharing laughs, having stuff to talk about no matter how long you've been together. Being a team, being able to resolve conflict in a respectful way.

Being independent too though. Not needing to be in each others pockets. Being comfortable with silence. Not being needy.

Reading this back I'm not sure now that I really feel love like other posters describe.
I don't feel butterflies, I feel comfy and content.

warmheartcoldfeet · 03/04/2024 14:17

Tricky one.
I would say:
love is reciprocal, caring, supporting, nurturing, listening.

If you love someone, you want to care for them, support them, nurture and hear them.
If someone loves you, you should feel cared for, supported, nurtured and heard.

Milkand2sugarsplease · 03/04/2024 14:22

I had a massive crush on a boy at 13. No boy compared to him at the time or even throughout my teens. We never dated but no other boy came close.
We grew up, got married and life took us our own way.

Many years later, we're now married and happier than I ever thought I could be.

Our first marriages ended within weeks of each other - completely unbeknownst to us until months later when we met again, and we were friends for a good few months before we were anything more but over time we both realised that with each other was where we wanted to be and we've never looked back

Neverpostagain · 03/04/2024 14:23

Not sure you can do better than this.
Love is patient, love is kind. It does not envy, it does not boast, it is not proud. 5 It does not dishonor others, it is not self-seeking, it is not easily angered, it keeps no record of wrongs. 6 Love does not delight in evil but rejoices with the truth. 7 It always protects, always trusts, always hopes, always perseveres.

8 Love never fails

PietariKontio · 03/04/2024 14:40

I'm not sure how to give a universal definition as I do think it's very different for different people. All I know is that I'm immensely intolerant and picky about humans - I'm entirely happy to not spend any length of time with pretty much everyone I've ever met, not because I feel 'better' than them, just because I don't feel a need or comfort in having them around.

Aside, that is, from my wife and two kids, who I'd be happy to have beside me every day and would be happy to do anything with/for. Rightly or wrongly I see that as love, both parental or romantic.

Curlyblondefemale · 03/04/2024 16:03

Less idealistic more realistic- eg in some ways my partner is not absolutely everything I dreamed of. But that's ok. He is a person of his own and he is not on this planet to meet 100% of my needs. I still love and need him and he me.@BumpyaDaisyevna you have described it perfectly.

ClareBlue · 03/04/2024 16:29

Hereyoume · 03/04/2024 13:14

I think most people confuse lust with love.

I think that "love" is what's in the background, the foreground is the subject of the picture, but the background gives the scene context.

There is a beautiful song by Christy Moore called The Voyage, it describes a relationship as a literal vessel, and the couple as the ship's crew. There's a verse which goes,

"With no map to guide us, we steered our own course, rode out the storms when the winds were gale force. Sat out the doldrums in patience and hope, working together we learned how to cope"

I think that verse perfectly describes what "love" really is.

And you end up with your own crew😂

WallaceinAnderland · 03/04/2024 16:44

Hard to describe but I think it's a mutual protective feeling that both of you get from your partner.

This means you feel safe with them, you feel cherished, you feel respected, you feel care for and cared about and you trust each other. Which means you can be open and honest with each other and communicate your needs well.

ClareBlue · 03/04/2024 18:13

Obviously, it's if you would give them your last rollo or not. I thought that was well known.

Secondstart1001 · 03/04/2024 19:45

Find someone who adores you Op .. it makes such a difference and makes you feel secure. My Dp had a leak in his roof which resulted in half his spare room ceiling falling down. I went to help him yesterday and he was having a stressful day. In the afternoon he just embraced me and said “kiss me” as he needed that comfort. Before we went to bed last night he said “it’s all ok as you’re here with me “ and he held me all night. That for me is love really, being able to give love and comfort in hard times. My ExH was never like that with me.

mrsmiawallace3 · 12/11/2024 12:50

I highly recommend the definitive text : " The Art Of Loving", by Eric Fromm.