Sex & affection

[chickensaresafehere]

Dh & I have been together for nearly 20 years,it has been a very,happy,steady relationship. (For context we have a teenage dd,who has a disability & I am her full time carer,she has quite high needs.)
I've gone through the menopause & although I still enjoy & want sex I'm probably not as keen as I used to be. This can cause issues between us,as because I don't initiate sex as often as I did,dh then becomes distant with regards to his affection (i.e touching,kissing,hugging).
We have fallen out over this & he says his love language is sex,if I'm not interested,he's not going to be affectionate.
I do understand his point of view but it's also difficult to talk about it with him too. He is very black & white & has always struggled to talk about anything involving 'feelings' & won't engage or quickly shuts it down.
I find it's becoming a huge 'elephant in the room' situation & I don't know how to navigate it??

He's bad at talking about feelings, I bet he understands libido and logic though. So you could try telling him straight that not being affectionate is making your libido worse not better.

I don't think there's an easy path through this, unless you can persuade him to engage in open and honest discussion using his ears and mouth in the ratio nature provided them.

You shouldn't be feigning enthusiasm for sex in return for affection, nor (I suspect) would you enjoy him feigning affection in the hope of sex. He needs to get it through his thick skull that the menopause has dulled your libido. You can't control that and it's not that you find him less attractive, but his repugnant attitude is almost certainly going to have that effect. Ask him straight out if he really cares so little for you as a person that he would be happy for you to have sex you don't want just to appease him. If his answer is no then ask him what exactly he expects from you. If the answer is yes I'd be reconsidering whether he is really someone you want to grow older with.