I threatened to leave and I feel terrible

[Pacific321]

DH and I were having a really heated argument and got so frustrated that I threatened to leave. Too boring and long/involved to go into what it was about, but a big argument has been building for a while and although I was justifiably angry I’ve never gone for a low blow like that before. Also DS was in the house and heard and was really upset. We ended up working through it and I explained and apologised to both DS and DH but I feel awful. I grew up in a house with lots of conflict and I swore I would not let my DS experience that. Maybe this should be in the AIBU thread but really just looking for someone to talk me down off a (metaphorical) ledge…

Did you mean it at the time or was it just a way of expressing how upset/angry/frustrated you were feeling? What was the row that was 'building for some time' about? Is it a recurring issue or is it now properly resolved?

I've threatened to leave DH in the past. We're still together. However, I meant it and absolutely would have left had he not sorted himself out. Ultimatums have their place if a problem is that big. You just shouldn't make them unless you're prepared to follow through if you don't get the behaviour you want. They become meaningless otherwise and potentially abusive depending on the power dynamic in the relationship.

There are three separate issues here. The first is your own level of self control. The second is your DH's responsiveness to your needs. The third is your joint ability to manage conflict (which is likely to be very dependent on the other two). You can learn to argue well if the foundations of your relationship are otherwise sound, though you may need some help to learn.

Thank you for your response @Resilience. I think I did mean it but my saying it in that moment was definitely influenced by my anger and frustration (if that makes sense).
Issue has been ongoing and we’ve talked about it before but it never felt fully resolved for one reason or another. I feel like we’ve actually got to a positive place with the underlying issue (possibly he hadn’t realised before what a bit deal this was for me). But I’m left with feelings of guilt that I lost that control in the moment and exposed my DS to that.