Partner Following Facebook Models

[ShellyBeach79]

After some advice on how to deal with finding out your Partner follows those Facebook Models, the ones that are sexually suggestive.

We have been together for 5 years. Both in our early 40s.

Our relationship is very strong, my partner is very affectionate, loving and will do anything for me to make sure I am happy, he is very committed. He has built our beautiful home, working so hard to make it lovely and it's everything that I have wanted, he is the one that is always making plans for weekend away etc, buys me treats all the time, so all in all, our relationship is wonderful. The sex life is great, it's fun and frequent (a total of 2-3 times per day over the weekends, a little less during the week, due to working etc). Sounds perfect right??

But, I have found that on his Facebook, he is following about 6 of those Facebook models, that post the half naked shots of themselves being very sexually suggestive, they are all overseas models (mainly the Russian type). They are all the complete opposite to myself in looks, everything. My partner always made me feel so very confident, but now after discovering this, I feel so insecure and feel as though I am not enough or what he likes body wise. It makes me feel very inadequate and like he is looking for something else in regards to looks and body shape. I am curvy, I always have been, it's something I actually love about myself. But now seeing these models that he likes to look at, I feel as though my body is something he doesn't like to look at, does he even find me attractive at all, let along sexually attractive. In a nut shell, it's made me close up and put some walls up around him. It's the heavy pit in my stomach.

No, I haven't talked to him about it, as I don't want to let him know that I was looking through his Facebook profile like a snoop (not sure why I was in the first place), but why don't people know that it is public knowledge, people can see who you follow!!
He is a grown adult, he can follow who he chooses and I am not about to tell him who he can and can't follow. But its the way its now made me feel and the feelings I now have towards myself.

I understand Males like to look at naked women, that's a fact. Men have done it for years, just before it was Playboy Mags, now I guess it's free and easy on Facebook.

Just looking for other women that have been through this and how you managed to deal with it, especially how crappy you feel when you discover it.

I don’t really understand. Why would he be with you if he’s not attracted to you?

I completely understand having an issue with one’s partner following those sorts of accounts - it’s pretty gross. However, I don’t quite get why it would make you feel bad about yourself.

Anothercr: I guess because these models are the complete opposite to my body shape and looks. So does he prefer that type of woman? It makes you feel inadequate when you compare yourself to their bodies.

Especially when I know that is what he likes to look at, so is that what he is attracted too. When he is scrolling through facebook and I just want to rip the phone out of his hand.......haha!! I won't, but I feel like it.

It consumes your mind, that's what I hate the most as well. Just need to know how to just damn well get over it. Especially if I don't want to confront him, I know I have to deal with it, otherwise it will destroy me.

What is your relationship history?

Feels that your self confidence is really shaky. You have been with this guy for 5 years - he is clearly into you by your own account - and yet something like this reduced you to totally irrational doubts about yourself???
How can you possibly doubt it if you are seeming to be at it like rabbits? Multiple times and most days????? If he were not into you - how would he even make it happen?

Why he follows the models - who knows and who cares really. He probably has quite a high libido - so uses it as as a visual aid to wanking. People don't have just one type of body attractive - he probably finds women attractive in general - skinny and curvy in equal measure. He did chose to be with you - no one is keeping him there.

I do think you need to both give your head a shake AND chat with him as it seems that you are only going to spiral deeper into some funk and it'll start affecting your relationship.

Sashya:
Thanks for this, this is what I needed to read and understand.
Yes, my self esteem is rather shaky.

My previous relationship ended around this time frame (the 5-6 year mark). I caught my partner texting/sexting other women, but we stopped having sex and was almost a year later after we stopped, he blamed me for it all. So I think sometimes it is a bit of trauma that stems from this, why I feel as though my current partner will feel I am not enough for him as well and start to look elsewhere as well.

He’s choosing to be with you. If he wasn’t attracted to you, then why would he do that?

And why does his being attracted to women who look different to you (let’s call that look ‘X’) mean he can ONLY be attracted to X? Do you genuinely believe that people can only fancy one sort of look? Do you only find one specific look attractive? I know I don’t.

@Anothercr
Your absolutely right, this is why I came onto this forum, to get some perspective. I will tell myself I am being so stupid, then it floods my mind again.
He is choosing to be with me and chooses me every day. The same way I choose him. I love him so much, I also know he loves me. So why am I letting this bother me so much.

You’re not being stupid. You’ve got an insecurity. Everyone is insecure about something.

I think you need to talk to your DP, my love. It sounds like you’ve a solid relationship, all will be well.

OP - can I ask - are you having sex with your partner because you enjoy it as often - or is it because you are scared he'll "start looking elsewhere"?
If the former - then you really have nothing to worry about. He is into you. No man would be having sex with a woman several times a day over several years IF he was not attracted to you. As to being not enough - unless you quit working - how can you possibly have any more sex????
Let him wank in peace. Really. If he has more energy for that - just let him get on with it on his own. Your life and relationship can't be all based on his libido.
And it sounds like he is making lots of effort in the relationship just as well.
So - count your blessings. And try not to bring in your past into this

If, however, you are having all this sex to try to make sure he doesn't leave - then I'd think about if this is the sort of life you want.

@Sashya It is the former, sometimes I can't keep my hands off of him.
However, sometimes I wish I was more sexually confident. Even though you would think I would be, considering the amount of times we have sex.

Just wish I had the confidence to send him sexy text messages and photos, I know he would just LOVE that. Not sure why or what is holding me back form doing that. When he worked away for a bit, he would send my sexy messages all the time, I enjoyed it. Christ, what is wrong with me!!

Again, pretty sure it stems from a pervious relationship, as I just never got anything in return.

If this goes against a boundary for you, it’s time to confront him on it.

You don’t have to put up with it, and of course it will knock your confidence to see him lusting after other women, especially in a public setting for all your friends and family to see. Gross.

Forget the men are visual and it is just wank bank material type replies that shift the responsibility onto you to just accept it.

It’s not your insecurity, it’s called being disrespectful.

Just an updated on where I am currently at with this situation.

I talked to my partner on Friday night, as much as I tried to ignore this, it just continued to eat me up and found it very hard to want to be intimate with him.

He had noticed a shift in the way I was towards him, so he asked on Friday night what was wrong (I had been off all week, however he was on nightshift, but he could tell even just with our conversations).

I asked him why he felt the need to follow these type of women on facebook, told him how it made me feel, that I wasn't enough for him and perhaps he was getting bored, so I told him my concerns and the way it makes my feel about my own body. I also told him that I preferred to be the one that turned him on, that he found me sexy enough and didn't need to look elsewhere for it, as I do towards him, that I wouldn't do that to him.

He immediately apologised and told me that he does see my in that way all the time. He made me feel so extra special all weekend, he was so tender and was full of affection. He kept coming up and hugging me all the time. Needless to say we had a great weekend with plenty of sex.

I have just seen that he has unfollowed all of them on his Facebook account, they are all gone.

So glad I ended up talking to him about it all.