How to get over someone??

[newtothisxxx]

Hi, just looking for some advice on how to get over someone.
I've been casually seeing my ex, but his given mixed signals, acts like he doesn't but does etc. i know deep down his not worth it. He's got a lot of baggage, isn't a great catch, he's let himself go and is quite selfish.
But for some reason I can't seem to let go.
I think it's a me issue, I clearly have an anxious avoidant style. Please someone give me some tips or hard truths x

Sounds like you’ve developed a trauma bond to this man (specially if you have an anxious attachment style), he throws you a crumb then dissapears, then throws another crumb then dissapears etc… Because you have a big fear of abandonment (hence the anxious attachment style), you’re always looking for the next crumb like a drug. The only solution here is stop sleeping with this man, stop giving him your energy and waiting for his next crumb. Get a hobbie, a dog, work on your friendships enroll yourself on a course etc… distract yourself and break that unhealthy trauma bond. Easy said than done, I know, but staying in this situation is unhealthy and will negatively impact on your self esteem.

No contact is the way forward .. it will hurt like hell at first but it’s like ripping a plaster off .. you need to just get it over and done with .

you know this isn’t a healthy arrangement and it will erode your self confidence

I think we all stay with people we shouldn’t because we are lonely or scared to be on our own! But you can’t find the right person while the wrong one is still hanging around! Cut him out and let the right one in x

Thank you! The crumb comment about throwing one then disappearing then doing it again is so so true! I do think I have a trauma bond, defo something I'm going to look up and do some research on. But thank you, it is massively unhealthy and the low self esteem is again so true x

Thank you! The scared to be lovely is so true! I really know he doesn't treat me well but I think that's because I'm allowing him too, he knows he can do as he wishes and il still be around.
I will have to cut him off I think. Thank you x

Cold turkey. It's the only medicine. Rip that plaster off.

Then focus on building up other areas of your life. The times it's taken me longest to get over someone even with the cold turkey medicine is when I've felt a bit lost generally. Throw yourself into your friendships, hobbies, work (within reason), volunteering or whatever it might be. The more secure and happy you are the less vulnerable you are to twats like your ex.

For me the thing that got me over my ex quickly was moving on to another guy (said guy is now my husband of 3 years!). I was with my ex for 6 years and didn't cry once over our breakup because I met DH 2 days after our break up (when I was still too angry to be sad). I would 100% have gone back to exactly had I not met DH, so he sort of saved me :)

Do the Freedom Programme, it cures you of a lot of bad relationship habits, as well as being eye opening. Learn your worth and stop allowing your partners (for want of a better word) to treat you so poorly. Enjoying your own company and being happy is a superpower.

Get under someone else, is what they say 😉

I agree with advice to sleep with someone else tbh!! It sounds like terrible advice, but especially with on/off relationships there’s always that door left slightly open. If you shag someone else, you’re putting a lid on the old relationship and saying you won’t go back.

And if it’s great sex, you’re also then proving that he’s nothing special and that anyone can give you the good stuff 😂.

It doesn’t have to lead to more - and probably shouldn’t - the post above about meeting her husband 2 days afterward is very much the exception! It’s just a way to sever that cord. I know if my ex had shagged someone else when we split then there’s no way I’d have hung on pining over him and convinced myself we were destined for each other. And the final time we split after 10 years we ended up talking just as he’d arranged a date with someone else. He still went. I couldn’t be too upset about it as we hadn’t spoken for 6 months. But if he’d shagged her there would have been no conversation to be had.

He told me he wasn’t sure what he wanted and wished me well on my upcoming date and that was enough for me to say “if that thought doesn’t break your heart then we’re not doing what I thought we were doing” and that was that. Great sex with my new FWB and I didn’t look back.