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Relationships

Mumsnet has not checked the qualifications of anyone posting here. If you need help urgently or expert advice, please see our domestic violence webguide and/or relationships webguide. Many Mumsnetters experiencing domestic abuse have found this thread helpful: Listen up, everybody

Disappointed with DH

8 replies

Mum3202 · 01/04/2024 20:37

DH has always said that due to the nature of his role no one from the management team at work could take holidays during Christmas (only the 25th and 26th and the odd 1 or 2 days max in between).
Our family doesn’t live in the UK and in over a decade we’ve only managed to spend Christmas with them once.
We had our first baby last year and I’ve been saying to DH that I would like to spend Christmas with the family as often as possible from now on even if that means going just for a few days.
Today I was talking about this and he says that this year he won’t be able to even take a couple of days as his colleague is going to be on holiday for an entire month! I was shocked! And DH knew this for over a month and didn’t even bother to tell me! I asked him how is that possible if he has always said that they couldn’t even take a full week off and he said that his old director used to say that and he assumed that was the rule and never questioned.
He knows how important this is to me and our parents are getting old and we don’t know how many Christmas we are going to have with the entire family. My dad and his dad particularly are not in great health atm and I just can’t stop thinking that our baby might not even have the chance to spend Christmas with all grandparents once just because DH assumed something and didn’t even bothered to ask.
I know for a lot of people it’s just another day but for me is a chance to have the family all reunited and even more important now that we have a baby.
I feel really sad and I’m worried that if something happens with our parents and we never get the chance to spend Christmas together I might resent DH for it.

OP posts:
ButterflyTable · 01/04/2024 20:45

Can you go on your own?

Sophie2024 · 01/04/2024 20:48

no offence but what is stopping you from going with baby ? if his job is more important to prioritise over spending time with elderly relatives just be honest and say i feel we have different priorities and i dont want to regret missing this opportunity , what a shame you cant join us. The baby wont have any memories of at least the 1st few years so least you wont have any mum guilt.

my now dh didnt want to visit my friend when she moved to gibraltar , so i said thats a shame , booked a flight and went with a 1 and 3 yr old 😁, seriously why are you not able to make your own decisions for fear of his reaction or judgement ? lifes to short X

Mum3202 · 01/04/2024 20:55

ButterflyTable · 01/04/2024 20:45

Can you go on your own?

I can but it doesn’t feel right leaving him here alone during the holidays. And I wouldn’t want our baby to spend Christmas without dad. I just wanted the chance of having everyone together even if just for once. I think since becoming a mum I’m a bit more emotional and I’m afraid of loosing my parents and that they don’t spend time with our baby.

OP posts:
Skyisbluegrassisgreen · 01/04/2024 21:02

I’d go and celebrate Christmas with your family then celebrate with your husband when you get back, have two Christmas’s it’s just a date after all.

Mum3202 · 01/04/2024 21:12

Sophie2024 · 01/04/2024 20:48

no offence but what is stopping you from going with baby ? if his job is more important to prioritise over spending time with elderly relatives just be honest and say i feel we have different priorities and i dont want to regret missing this opportunity , what a shame you cant join us. The baby wont have any memories of at least the 1st few years so least you wont have any mum guilt.

my now dh didnt want to visit my friend when she moved to gibraltar , so i said thats a shame , booked a flight and went with a 1 and 3 yr old 😁, seriously why are you not able to make your own decisions for fear of his reaction or judgement ? lifes to short X

Yes, I can go by myself but just wanted him
to be there too. Just wanted everyone together for once.
If I decide to go by myself I know he will support my decision. I don’t think he realised how important this was to me until now. Agree, life is too short😉

OP posts:
SunflowerTed · 01/04/2024 23:33

Can’t believe you’re planning xmas…. In April!!!!!

Notthatcatagain · 01/04/2024 23:40

Why not invite the family to come to you, that way you can all be together and he can go to work as needed. It will be a big job with a baby but you have plenty of time to plan, buy an extra freezer and gradually fill it,one meal at a time,find a local Airbnb for them to stay in if space is tight. If you don't have a dishwasher put this top of your to do list

Pupsandturtles · 01/04/2024 23:42

What kind of job does he do that he can’t take time off over Christmas?? I’d say that’s a quiet time for most professions!

unless he is an elf

ps: yes this is ridiculous and would really disappoint me too

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