I 45 and am married with one son. Until recently my marriage was steady enough, I am married to a good, kind man. He is a great dad and he adores me. However, our marriage isn’t perfect - he drinks too much - pretty much (daily) and this is a constant source of tension. Our sexlife has also dwindled. I am not blameless in this, I have a very full on job and I work long hours which I acknowledge is tough on him. We have been together 12 years and married for 10. However, regardless of the ups and downs, most of the time life is good and I do love him.
In January this year, I was pulled onto a new job at work. I won’t say exactly what I do as it may be outing but it is to assist in a crisis management type situation. I live in a smallish place and have ended up working closely with an old flame. It is a bit of a crazy situation but I have gone from not having any real contact with him to needing to speak to him or email him multiple times daily. Neither of us had any choice in this matter, it is just pure chance that it has turned out this way. There is no one else I can pass this job onto either.
We have always had an intense connection. We were together at school, all very passionate - multiple romantic letters exchanged. We then went our separate ways at uni but as we both come from the same hometown, always ended up reconnecting. Mid-20s, he came to see me as he was going away with the army to Afghanistan and wanted to meet up with various people before he went. I all of a sudden had a bit of an epiphany as to how I really felt and so I wrote to him when he was away in the hope we would connect again when he was back. Anyway, we both ended up marrying other people. Classic heady combination of unfinished business, one that got away….etc etc.
As you tend to with people you have grown up with, over the past couple of months we have just taken up from where we have left off. We have fallen back into our usual banter. We were always in the same wavelength so conversation flows all too easily. Whilst there has been no overtly inappropriate behaviour, the texts have become more frequent, the teasing more regular and, I am not going to lie, I am massively enjoying his company, as I always did. Last week after weeks of pressurized teams calls, we needed to meet in person for the first time at a meeting. There was also another person there at the meeting. However, he came early and stayed after the other person had gone. There was no need for him to. We both knew this. Nothing happened apart from chat and laughter.
I know that I am on a slippery slope. Meeting him again has sparked something in me that I have not felt in a long time. I hate writing this as it feels like such a midlife crisis cliche. I have no intention of acting on how I feel. I would not want to break up my family. I would not want to break up his. I feel guilty enough for harbouring the feelings that I do.
The work we are doing together has no sign of letting up for a few months. It has at least 6 months to run. Any advice for how I can push through this?