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Relationships

Mumsnet has not checked the qualifications of anyone posting here. If you need help urgently or expert advice, please see our domestic violence webguide and/or relationships webguide. Many Mumsnetters experiencing domestic abuse have found this thread helpful: Listen up, everybody

Shall i leave my husband to be?

7 replies

Sweetmelon · 01/04/2024 18:17

Okay this is a long one,

My partner is 10 years older than me. We've been together 6 years and are engaged to get married.

When we first got together we was at it like rabbits (like most couple do), this slowly fizzled out. He has low testosterone and has been on treatment for this for a long time, he is slightly over weight but nothing major. He has always had an issue with being able to ejaculate but this was never a problem.

Over the last few years the sex has gone to zero! He admitted to me that he is struggling to keep an erection and is never in the mood to have sex. He has gone to a private doctor and is paying a fortune for monthly injections although this hasn't helped. He has also been to a therapist to talk about it - also not helped.

Where we are at now - we don't talk about it, when we are watching TV and sex is on the screen its awkward as hell. We don't engage in any kind of play at all. I've tried talking about it but we go round in circles and never get anywhere.

The thing is, as awful as it sounds, i cant keep living like this. I'm a very sexual person and knowing that i don't turn my fiance on is absolutely killing me. In the beginning things were great - the only thing that has changed is that i have put weight on. I cant help but think its me ( i know deep down its not but i cant help thinking it). The other day i was walking around the house naked - he didn't even look at me. He doesn't come near me and i get so upset i end up crying most nights. I love him to bits but i cat get over the fact that ill never have sex again. I need that part of a relationship - at the minute i feel like were just friends that live together and its just not enough for me

I feel awful so thinking about ending the relationship, i know its not his fault. I also need to think about my own happiness don't i? I'm so unhappy its getting me so down. I'm scared that one day a man will want to have sex with me and I'd be tempted to cheat which breaks my heart. I crave that affection, that want, that need! I have told him this but his reply was - you'd go on to find someone new and be okay, I'll never find a new woman if I cant have sex.

Has anyone been in this situation before?
Would i be a complete monster if i ended the relationship?

OP posts:
WowIlikereallyhateyou · 01/04/2024 18:19

Nope, life is too short not to be happy.

Mummame2222 · 01/04/2024 18:20

I’m sorry but fuck that. Do you really want this for the rest of your life? You only get one.

BeMyGuest24 · 01/04/2024 18:21

There Is no way you should get married. I can’t work out what the issue is but despite the help he has received nothing has changed. It is not fair on you. You should end it asap.

Rockschooldropout · 01/04/2024 18:23

Do not get married - Your relationship is dead in the water

Opentooffers · 01/04/2024 18:33

Pretty sure you've posted about this already - the walking round the house naked?

SamW98 · 01/04/2024 18:33

Don’t marry him. It’s sad but your relationship is dead. Don’t prolong the agony

Longgallery · 01/04/2024 18:34

Not a monster at all
of there isn’t even any affection there in any form irrespective of his erection/ejaculation issues, then it’s time to cut your losses
i bet you’re the one reassuring him all the time
are you getting the same back?
youre a long time dead

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