Feeling misunderstood

[Machamacha]

So my husband and I have been married 7 years. Over the last year of that my anxiety has gotten much worse, I have sought help and do work on it but sometimes I find social engagements way too much.

He has no problem with this per se as he's actually quite introverted and mainly a homebody. However his family meet up for different things weekly and I now say no to most of it. He however is also saying no to most of it and I'm convinced they think it's my fault/due to my influence.

For example this weekend we were invited for Easter lunch at his parents and then to an event today. We declined both.

His dad in particular has started to be slightly rude to me when I do make the effort to go to A bday dinner or a Christmas party. His mum seems concerned we don't get out enough, and for me she is right i guess due to my illness but I don't limit or restrict him at all. He doesn't want to see them once a week for a social event but obviously doesn't want to say that outright.

I don't know why I should be concerned what they think but they are good people just a little narcissistic and I hate them thinking I'm controlling or influencing their sons choice of how often he sees them.

If other family members turn up with their spouse, then yes, your refusal does have an influence on whether he choses to go or not, even though you'd be fine with him going alone.
It's good you are seeking help for your anxiety, hopefully it might help you to say yes on the odd occasion.

But thats the point, I do say yes on the odd occasion already. As I mentioned bday dinners and Christmas celebrations. But regardless of whether I feel up to it or not, I don't want to see them socially every week and neither does he is the reality unfortunately.

I would look to see a counsellor for your social anxiety.

If prior to you being on the scene your DH saw them much more regularly, you are having an impact on him. He may very well not be happy.

I do see a counsellor and take medication. I am working hard to tackle my anxiety.

We do talk openly and honestly about the situation. He has told me when he would really like me to try and make it if I can in the past and I do.

He has also told me he doesn't want to see his parents every week and wishes they would stop the invites. We never seen them every week even before my anxiety was an issue but they would push to see us more. He has times when he makes an effort to see them when he doesn't really want to and is miserable about it. But doesn't want to upset or offend them. I'm not going to pass that message on but I also don't want to be blamed.

Before you, he seemed more sociable and engaged. Your illness, whether acknowledged or not, has negatively affected things, and he seems unhappy and wishes for more time with his family.

During discussions, he hasn't been forthcoming, instead offering responses he believes you'd approve of.

An indication of this is his past requests for you to try and spend more time with them. If he's stopped asking, it's likely due to the lack of change and fear of upsetting you.

Also he may be afraid to leave you alone for a lengthy time, because of your illness. He may be living in constant fear and in a panicked state.

His parents are worried because they've observed a decline in his behavior since you entered the picture.

He might not be as introverted as he appears, but rather putting on a facade to please you.

While he may not want weekly visits, he desires more frequent contact with his family.

Ending the relationship might be best for both his and your well-being, as it's unfair for him to bear the burden of your illness alone.

Feeling immense pressure and constant tension isn't beneficial for your health or mental well-being.

Neither of you should feel compelled to change who you are based on each other's expectations or those of his family.

How can you make up such a strong narrative based on no facts at all.

The only constant pressure he feels is the invites to meet his family every week when every few weeks suits him better.

Before he met me he openly admitted he would stay home reading, gaming or otherwise solo activities. I was very much a social butterfly in comparison who brought him out of his shell a bit.

He has told me this numerous times during our open and honest conversations as I mentioned. At no point has he not been forthcoming.

He is not afraid to leave me alone due to my illness, and I actively crave alone time too as it helps me to manage it.

I obviously understand a partners mental health issues can take a toll, but honestly your random interpretation couldn't be further from the truth.

I have a family of my own, friends and counselling who help bear the burden of my illness as you phrased it. Its really not the issue although I always advocate him having his own free time, hobbies, friends and freedom to make sure my recent struggles don't impact too hard on him.

We are really genuinely happy together and enjoy breaks away, meals out and trips to the pub etc, enjoy eachothers company immensely. I just don't have the extra social energy right now for weekly meet ups with my in-laws while i battle this. The only people who seem unhappy about this are his parents because they would like to see us more, which is fine of course. As long as he doesn't feel the same way, and he doesn't, he actively does not enjoy the visits so often, then I don't think we should be separating. Because I don't meet their social event quota standards? I.e every week?

Sorry if I seem defensive, but your post was hurtful.