Active discussions

Meet the Other Phone. Protection built in.

Meet the Other Phone.
Protection built in.

Buy now

Please or to access all these features

Talk
Relationships

Mumsnet has not checked the qualifications of anyone posting here. If you need help urgently or expert advice, please see our domestic violence webguide and/or relationships webguide. Many Mumsnetters experiencing domestic abuse have found this thread helpful: Listen up, everybody

Original poster

Is this ghosting?

62 replies

Ghostingindating · 01/04/2024 15:58

So I met a guy, went on 3 dates, I had a great time.
We talked on the phone a few times after that. Then he went out at the weekend with friends and sent me a photo. I replied saying , that it looked really nice where he was, and that was it.
Since then radio silence. That was 3 days ago.
However I haven't contacted him either because I sensed that he was losing interest.
So I wouldn't say he has ghosted me because I didn't actually ask him anything and I haven't contacted him since. I would have definitely went out with him again but obviously his silence is saying he's not interested.
So would you call this ghosting? Btw I've no intention of getting in touch with him.

OP posts:
Original poster
Ghostingindating · 01/04/2024 16:40

I mean I have pride in terms of dating and I don't like reaching out if I'm already feeling the lack of interest,

OP posts:
Frazzledmummy123 · 01/04/2024 17:03

Ghostingindating · 01/04/2024 16:40

I mean I have pride in terms of dating and I don't like reaching out if I'm already feeling the lack of interest,

If you noticed a lack of interest before, then it might be that you are right about him, however nothing wrong with a simple 'how are you?' message. If you prefer not to, fair enough. If he does get in touch, don't write him off and see how it goes.

If you don't hear from him again, then just move on from it, as disappointing as it is.

TheShellBeach · 01/04/2024 17:04

Ghostingindating · 01/04/2024 16:40

I mean I have pride in terms of dating and I don't like reaching out if I'm already feeling the lack of interest,

I agree with you.
It's awful to appear desperate.

DeepFriedKermit · 01/04/2024 17:24

I disagree with most on here. When I had a few dates with my current bf, he messaged me everyday as he wanted to. OP, sadly you've been ghosted as if he wanted to message you he would have...it takes seconds to fire off a quick text/whatsapp

TheShellBeach · 01/04/2024 17:27

I do think he would've been in touch if he was really interested.

EatCrow · 01/04/2024 17:31

Ghostingindating · 01/04/2024 16:38

@Frazzledmummy123 thanks , yes I was feeling the lack of interest a bit before this happened. I am quite stubborn and proud so I won't be contacting him as it's likely he will not reply and then he really will have ghosted me.

You’re probably vulnerable and you’re protecting yourself, I can understand that. If you’re too exacting though it will prevent any growth.

Opentooffers · 01/04/2024 17:38

I think you know you are on the money. Daily phonecalls for 2 weeks, then not even a text in 3 days is a big downturn and you said it was dropping off before that. I think men who are over-attentive at the start tend to drop out fast too. Daily phonecalls sounds a tad OTT to start with - fast in, fast out. It's like they can't maintain their own tempo they've set. I'd find Daily calling a bit intrusive anyway, though I do expect Daily texting.

Mummame2222 · 01/04/2024 17:41

Ghostingindating · 01/04/2024 16:14

In fact if he contacts me, I'm ghosting him as I can't deal with flaky , half hearted , low effort men anymore.

100%

SamW98 · 01/04/2024 17:41

DeepFriedKermit · 01/04/2024 17:24

I disagree with most on here. When I had a few dates with my current bf, he messaged me everyday as he wanted to. OP, sadly you've been ghosted as if he wanted to message you he would have...it takes seconds to fire off a quick text/whatsapp

I agree. If I’m interested in someone, then the communication is easy and regular. Never more than a day without being in contact unless it’s exceptional circumstances.

It takes a few seconds to send a quick message - someone who can’t even make that effort user bothered imo.

Sceptical123 · 02/04/2024 06:07

Ghostingindating · 01/04/2024 16:01

I should add, that I don't expect to hear from him again but I don't feel I've been ghosted. I think I would feel ghosted if I had asked him something and he hadn't replied.
For all he knows, I'm not interested either as he hasn't heard from me however I would have liked to see him again.

Edited

If you’d like to have seen him again then why haven’t you contacted him?

Sceptical123 · 02/04/2024 06:18

MolkosTeenageAngst · 01/04/2024 16:14

Not messaging someone who isn’t trying to contact you isn’t ghosting. Ghosting is when one person starts ignoring the other person even when the other person is trying to make contact. You’re not being ghosted, he’s just not making any effort to get in touch with you.

And OP is adamant she won’t contact him and says she’ll ghost him if he tries 😂

Sceptical123 · 02/04/2024 06:19

TheShellBeach · 01/04/2024 17:27

I do think he would've been in touch if he was really interested.

He might be assuming OP has lost interest in hIm. Why does he need to contact her first?

Ledci · 02/04/2024 06:24

So you've haven't contacted him either, yet HE is the one being called out here for apparent ghosting.
What if he thought you didn't seem interested and was waiting to see if you reached out?
What if he lost his phone on the night out? I actually did this at a festival and lost everything so had to wait 2 days for a new phone and sim, then hoped everyone contacted me as I had no numbers to contact anyone.
I think you're being a bit odd with your assumptions when you have done the EXACT same to him.....

Nathalie1975 · 02/04/2024 06:30

He is the one who initiated contact at the weekend by sending you a photo so not sure why you think he is not interested. Maybe he doesn't want to appear desperate and is waiting for you to initiate contact this time.

cuckyplunt · 02/04/2024 06:43

Bloody Hell, are you 12yo?
Stop playing games, if you want to communicate again send him a text.. How was your Easter?
Act on the response.. or lack of it.

blueandwhitesquares · 02/04/2024 07:20

U sound about 12. Grow the F up

SamW98 · 02/04/2024 07:28

You sound ridiculously immature OP. Stop playing silly games. If you like the bloke text him, if you’re not bothered don’t text him - it’s that simple.

Indifferentchickenwings · 02/04/2024 07:32

You sound like someone who’s been hurt and is maybe too bruised to date ?

no judgement I can’t face dating either !

and look he might pop up again
and he might not

you sound fed up 😞
I’ve deleted a fair few men for this and then they pop up again

but feeling this anxious early in isn’t healthy or good for you

Catlord · 02/04/2024 08:43

Sounds like it's just fizzled out. Ghosting to me is where you're left hanging. Your message didn't need a reply and you haven't followed up either. If he was keen conversation would flow but this isn't ghosting. Some matches just fail by the wayside. Best taken on the chin.

Of course you don't need to be in constant contact but you know when things have changed. In early dating people don't just disappear for days if they're keen. Not after texting regularly. It's annoying when posters claim the OP is being needy when they've probably not dated in years.

ParsonsPont · 02/04/2024 08:50

Ghostingindating · 01/04/2024 16:38

@Frazzledmummy123 thanks , yes I was feeling the lack of interest a bit before this happened. I am quite stubborn and proud so I won't be contacting him as it's likely he will not reply and then he really will have ghosted me.

But it was never ghosting it in the first place… Why are you determined to say you’ve been ghosted?

Didimum · 02/04/2024 08:50

You’ve been on three dates and it’s Easter. Whether or not he gets back in contact, people are allowed to have time off from texting when they’re just dating.

Original poster
Ghostingindating · 02/04/2024 11:19

@Sceptical123 because I felt his texts were a lot shorter prior to this happening, and so I know it's a case where he's lost interest and if I text him now, then he will either ignore it or I will get the , "sorry, you're lovely but I'm not feeling a connection, " text . And tbh I don't want to receive that text. So I'm just going to leave it how it is even though it sucks and I'm a bit hurt.

OP posts:
Original poster
Ghostingindating · 02/04/2024 11:25

@Ledci On the couple of days prior to this, I had initiated the texts, and his texts back were short, almost like he literally couldn't be arsed and was just replying to be nice..Then this happens.
On the face of it, it may look like I have lost interest too but I haven't and he also knows that I had initiated the last few texts.
I think we just know when someone is just not feeling it.

OP posts:
Original poster
Ghostingindating · 02/04/2024 11:28

@Indifferentchickenwings yes I have had quite a rough time of it with dating and am feeling a bit vulnerable to be honest. I came off the apps and I actually met this guy in a coffee shop so I was hoping it would be different as I met him in the wild! But unfortunately not, he's just messing me about like the others.

OP posts:
Original poster
Ghostingindating · 02/04/2024 11:30

Also to add ,I never slept with him

OP posts:
Swipe left for the next trending thread