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Relationships

Mumsnet has not checked the qualifications of anyone posting here. If you need help urgently or expert advice, please see our domestic violence webguide and/or relationships webguide. Many Mumsnetters experiencing domestic abuse have found this thread helpful: Listen up, everybody

Living with an ex

2 replies

Chicken333 · 01/04/2024 14:35

mine and my idk wether to say boyfriend anymore relationship has practically gone to shit. I don’t know if it’s saveable anymore as I’ve been really hurt and too much has happened. However we built a life together and I am 19 years old and was reliant on him financially and he was reliant on me in a way as well to help him financially. I’ve been sulking for a very long time and been in a bad mental state. I want to pick myself back up and want to be strong enough to handle the situation. He says he still loves me but because so much shit happened he feels very distant. So do I in a way. He still wants to work on it but says he needs space and for now to take it really slow just as if starting all over from scratch. I want to be strong enough to make a plan as I’ve realised that I’ve become dependent on him, dependent on eating and sleeping and doing daily tasks with him. I want to now be independent. The apartment we have together has a lease for one year that we aren’t very able to get out of at the moment. I want advice as I made a plan, I want to take a year, maybe stay in separate rooms, find independence, make a plan for my future, figure out how to love myself again, focus on making some money and grow as a person. If he says he wants to still try and make it work then I can go with the flow and see if it works however if the lease runs out and it doesn’t at least I will have a plan unlike now where I completely didn’t expect this and feel like I’ve been thrown onto a bunch of rocks. I wasn’t prepared. The thing is my other relationships weren’t this serious where we lived together. That’s why I’m hoping that this solution would be the grown up and adult thing to do. However I’m not sure how I’d handle it, if it would hurt too much if it didn’t work out. I’m not sure. I think it would help both of us out to live together, and he says he wants that. But what if it is emotionally too much.

OP posts:
Meadowfinch · 01/04/2024 14:43

It seems you have (possibly) three options.

  1. Stay in the relationship and work on sorting things out
  2. Move into the spare room, save up for the remainder of the lease and move in to your own place/house share when the lease ends
  3. Move back home until you have saved enough to rent somewhere by yourself.

Regardless of which you choose, you need to focus on a finding a job or career that will support you independently, otherwise you will spend the rest of your life vulnerable to every boyfriend kicking you out, changing his mind, having an affair or abusing you mentally, financially, physically. You need to be able to stand on your own two feet.

Good luck.

category12 · 01/04/2024 14:45

Is it possible to get someone to take over your tenancy in your place? Have you checked for break clauses etc?

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