Fallen out w sibling but not sure why

[adlibby]

Sibling and I have always been quite close and very much our go to people within our family.

We've enjoyed spending time together and have appreciated each others support in our lives.

I've always been glad to have them and proud of their accomplishments.

Sadly this has changed recently. I'm not sure what has happened to cause it.

My home has always been the go to spot for family gatherings. We're fortunate that we have a lot of space and like to host so it's always worked well.

More recently my sibling has turned up unannounced in several occasions, which is perfectly fine, and then been quite chippy and hostile to me. If I say black they say who the type thing. Sly comments about my parenting etc.

This came to a head a few months ago when they were overtly rude to me on my birthday. I finally snapped and asked what exactly their problem was while everyone was there.

This has led to them taking the injured party role as they've always been rude to me/DH when it's just been us.

We've seen them for another family gathering this weekend and they hardly spoke to us.

I'm so sad and completely baffled at what's caused this. I know we can rub each other up the wrong way sometimes but this behaviour is unprecedented. They're excluding us from any news they have and from any updates on their child.

I'm at the point where I'm ready to tell them to consider our relationship done. I honestly can't think of anything I've done to be treated so poorly and I'm not prepared to grovel to them.

Any advice?

@adlibby You really need to speak to her and hear her out. She won’t be doing this for no reason.

Do they have kids? Is their house as big as yours/in as nice and area? Do they have a partner? Do they get on? Are their jobs equivalent to yours? etc.

It sounds like your sibling is fed up of you being the hostess and ppl going to you with their problems and generally being a saint/martyr. It’s not your fault, but they might feel your life is superficially better than theirs and ppl within the family like you more, that you’ve adopted somewhat of a matriarchal role…

You offering to make a sandwich and generally trying to be helpful would be immensely irritating if they’re now resentful of the persona you have. Have you always been like this or has it increased over the years/recently?

They may feel like you’re showing off or rubbing their nose in how amazing you and your life are. I’m not saying they’re vindicated but it’s probably along those lines.

I would try to get to the bottom of this, before making a unilateral decision to distance yourself. It could be something stressful going on in their life, their spouse having weird opinions and having an undue influence on them, an online life that is skewing their worldview - any number of things. Try to get to the bottom of it before saying "I'm done". You only have one sibling.