Separated 11 years. Red flag?

[OneGiddyLurker]

Have met a lovely nice man online and have been talking to him for about two months. We are building a friendship and haven't been intimate yet.

Didn't think a big deal of it till tonight not sure why. He has been separated from his ex for 11 years. Says they just never got around to divorcing and didn't want to go through the financial cost of doing one since they both were not interested in remarrying. She has been living with her current partner for about 9 years now.

I am divorced and have two kids and do not want to remarry as well but I do want a long term relationship.

Not sure if this long separation with no divorce is a red flag. But I also feel it's too early to bring that up when we haven't been together for that long

Yes I have met him several times. He has also asked me to meet his son, but I did say I wanted to hold off until things gots more serious.

I was separated for 4 years before I got round to divorcing. And I only did that because I needed to prove I was separated/divorced for some paperwork - it was the cheapest way to do it.

My BF is also not divorced, he's been separated 8 or 9 years.

We don't have plans to marry or live together and when we started going out neither of us were divorced so couldn't exactly moan that the other wasn't!
I know my BF's ex will have claim (and vice Versa I guess) on financial stuff. That's for them to sort out though, I won't get involved.

If it's a red flag or dealbreaker for you though that's fair enough.

I was separated for 12 years. Mostly because I’m in Scotland and had a separation agreement (legally binding) that cut all financial etc ties. He also refused to do anything towards an actual divorce. As we had a child it has to go to court so that child issues are shown to be fairly resolved. So I waited until my child was 18 then I did a quick no lawyer required divorce and my ex didn’t even have to sign anything. Easy. No need for a divorce before as the finance bit was sorted. He certainly was not my ‘next of kin’.

Sometimes it’s just simpler to wait. It definitely didn’t mean I was secretly in a relationship with him.

I would avoid. I have an acquaintance who got into this situation, she was with him for years and years and lived with him in his house. Then partner very sadly and suddenly passed away. So the poor woman has been grieving her loss at the same time the (ex) wife immediately started to cause her no end of problems. The estate including the house is a whole mess to try and pick apart!

my ex husband and i were still married after 5 years of separation... we actually only got divorced because he wanted to get married again!

we saw no need to rush into divorce..

i have a friend who is still married too her husband but they have been separated some 30 years....

i don't think 'not divorced' is a red flag