Is ghosting common these days?

[Okigen]

I'm not particularly upset about this, but asking out of curiosity. I recently reconnected with a former colleague through WhatsApp and after a while, he asked me out. Great, we set a date. Then on the day he went radio silence (Nope, I confirmed later that nothing happened to him). I then went online, met a guy who asked me out and my number, then no contact since. Now, I've just turned 35 and not a supermodel, so understandably these things can happen. But the same thing also happened to my friend recently. And this woman is quite a catch - beautiful, well spoken, not to mention rich. She constantly gets people asking for her number on the street!

Sooo, is ghosting a new thing these days? Or is this just a 35+ thing?

I’m not single but from what my single (girl) friends tell me, yes it is the done thing. 😑

its the new trend.. i guess with the new era of internet dating.. men and women throw out a big net, go through their catches and just throw back the ones they don't want...

It’s not you or your age, I sometimes read the Reddit dating threads, you get a lot of 20 somethings making similar complaints. I’m 45 and have been OLD on and off for a couple of years, you soon get used to this behaviour unfortunately.

I see nothing wrong with ghosting unless you are in a relationship with the person and no it doesn't just happen now a days when I was dating 15 years ago people ghosted then as well why assume it's a new thing!

That is so strange. Actually I forgot to mention, I'm about to see someone tomorrow. Tonight when I texted him to discuss the plan, it turned out he already assumed he was ghosted as he didn't hear from me during the day!

So I tend to call this

Im 52...OLD. on a rest atm though..
Ive been ghosted... slowly. Im old skool...they have no manners. I went on a date...said i don't think we are compatible but gl in further dates. Thats all it takes

I don't let myself be ghosted... well I try. If someone goes silent I just say " have heard from you and I think this is what is known as being ghosted" strangely this prompts a very quick response to deny that they are ghosting me but that they don't think it's going to work out etc ..

You don't think there's anything wrong with asking someone for a date on a particular day as per the op, and then just disappearing? Why not?

I think it's always been a thing, but has just recently been named.

I vividly remember being invited to meet at a bloke's house before an event (in the 1980s, so pre-mobiles), and when I got there he didn't answer the door - but I could see him 'hiding' behind the curtains!

I think it's become more acceptable now you can metaphorically disappear rather than try to physically do so - and actually, unless you've met, it's probably the norm. Once you've met though, it's polite to send a 'thanks but I think we aren't right for eachother' text

Its very common and its nothing to do with you OP.

I see ghosting as a huge red flag that the person is emotionally immature, has no emotional empathy and wont have the skills to deal with anything remotely difficult in life.

Of course you dont owe anyone anything but why bother asking someone out in the first place if you dont want to go? its fcking stupid and pointless. It takes 30 seconds to say "so sorry but I cant make it tonight now, can we talk later" - this is hardly difficult.

Caveat: the only time I do think its appropriate is if you are fearful that rejection may result in personal harm to yourself but otherwise, its just that person being a dick and be thankful that you found out early on so you know to avoid them!- they've done you a huge favour by giving you a glimpse of what's in store for you had the relationship continued.

Maybe there are some signs prior. I'm 52, on a break from it, but been on and off it for years and never been ghosted as such. I've had a drop in communication once I've taken it to WhatsApp, in which case I've decided that it's not flowing so cancelled any plans and ducked out. There's no point to me if the chat hasn't flowed, so I get why the other guy would think he'd been ghosted if you haven't spoken all day. I'd expect at least a good morning text and maybe some chat, then some evening chatter on a daily basis prior to meeting. If that doesn't happen, I lose interest.

@ChristmasFluff omg, behind the curtain!! 😂

@Livelifelaughter that's interesting. Maybe I should do the same !

@Opentooffers but he didn't text me either! I just 😀assumed he was one of the guys who would prefer texting in the evening, and I'm the same too. Maybe he was shy or has lost interest, we will see if he shows up today! (Ps. Clunky browser, emoji is at the wrong place ! 😂)

I think if you have actually met, or are arranging to, or it has been a long acquaintance, then it is polite to say something along the lines of "thanks but no thanks," but there are those I've chatted to where the chat dwindles and suddenly I realise we have communicated for a couple of weeks, and in most of those cases, I'm happy to let it die a natural death, as clearly neither of us is that keen, and it's not going silent mid-flow.

Mostly I believe in doing as you would be done by, and I would rather know for sure than be ghosted, so I avoid ghosting.

@Okigen I think men, well the middle aged, professional ones I date would hate to be considered in any way rude even though they are. One chap cancelled a date for work reasons as he had started a new job and said he would get back to me on some further dates I had suggested and I didn't hear from him for 6 days (including a weekend) until I sent my message and he said " not ghosting just been very busy with new job" obviously not so busy that he couldn't reply in an hour when I suggested he was ghosting me ..

It’s definitely not a new thing. I was ghosted many years ago by my ex fiancé. One day we were talking weekly and sending letters almost daily, and all of a sudden he stopped calling/writing me. This was before mobile phones. I think SM and the easy access to communication have made it more obvious and known now. So it’s def not something new.

@Sunnytwobridges OMG, that is soo bad!! What happened after that?!

@Livelifelaughter I think the "middle age" is a keyword. I dated some younger men too and they seemed much more .... normal. I guess OLD hardens us. I've only been on Hinge for 1 month and already started to feel its impact on me!

People have always ghosted but we talk about more now thanks to the internet and it's not about your age and attractiveness. The fact you got interest to begin with proves this.
People ghost because facing you is too inconvenient, for their safety, they have attachment issues, you inadvertently pissed them off, they are too embarrassed. it's seen as too undignified to pull them up on ghosting, as it changes the dynamics into you being petty or clingy even though you are rightly upset about it admitting it is so uncool and so there is pressure to just accept the ghosting quietly and let it be. It's not fair that people get messed around so cowardly but what can you do? I guess they did you a favour better to know sooner than later.

I think low expectations, matching effort and not texting so much between dates helps.

Yes it was horrible, occasionally i still deal with the trauma of it.

I actually tracked him down and found out he had gotten married. But he never told me why he ghosted me, I assume he got tired of waiting on me to finish school and found someone closer to where he lived.