Strange one... have I been ghosted?

risied · 2024-03-31T21:56:17+00:00

Went on a date last week. Nice guy, a bit t odd, connected well but little chemistry. He talked far too much about his ex wife and the awful experience he had and is in a lot of pain about not seeing his kids full time. We left r and he asked to see me again. I thought why not but not hugely pushed. Too full on I thought. We text a bit during week on WhatsApp but he has been off WhatsApp since Thursday, as in one tick but his profile pic is still there... I know that this is his second phone as his kids have access to his main one for games and contact with mum etc... Have I been Ghosted??

DrunkenElephant · 31/03/2024 23:03

If you click on his profile picture, does it stay or disappear? If it disappears he’s blocked you, if not something could have happened to his phone.

It doesn’t sound like you’re that into him either way, so does it matter?

samestyle · 31/03/2024 23:21

You've been put on the back burner for now, he will probably come back when he checks his second phone, but he's not that interested otherwise he would be messaging you. Always trust your first impressions, doesn't sound like it was an amazing first date for you, if he does message again can you really be bothered with a guy who only messages sporadically on his second phone?

LilacPear · 31/03/2024 23:22

it sounds like a shit date- why do you care?

approval? Wanting to be liked?

sometimes the bins take themselves out

Original poster

risied · 31/03/2024 23:48

I guess he asked if we could meet again and I was vague but agreed. Yet he didnt bother to follow up.
On the date he said he was going to book into a well known beautiful hotel as he needed to do business in the area the next day... I didn't think too much about it until now but when I expressed envy ( in jest) he then messaged me when he ' got home' that night so he was either trying to impress or he was looking for a one night stand and that was not on my radar whatsoever .
He also swerved a question about his surname . He is definitely divorced but I wonder was he just full of shit?

OP posts:

Original poster

risied · 01/04/2024 00:23

Any other theories on this strange situation please?

OP posts:

Upinthenightagain · 01/04/2024 00:25

If they don’t ask to see you for the next week they don’t like you. Same if they’re skipping weeks

Watchkeys · 01/04/2024 00:40

risied · 01/04/2024 00:23

Any other theories on this strange situation please?

Yes. I theorise that he's not your ideal man, so I wonder why you are wasting your time looking for theories about him.

Wanttolikekimchee · 01/04/2024 00:41

You didn’t enjoy the date so why do you care?

Original poster

risied · 01/04/2024 00:44

It's my first date after twenty five years having divorced recently . I'm new to all of this and I am someone who means what they say and expect the same so when actions don't follow words , especially in this scenario, I'm
Wondering if I'm a bit naive?
That was all.

OP posts:

Original poster

risied · 01/04/2024 04:08

I've woken to a message after him being off line on WhatsApp since weds , saying that he agreed that in view of us not arranging a second date and the distance being so big ( three hours) .. I had sent that message on weds ...that were better off leaving things. He apologised for wasting my time and not replying.
I wished him well and told him that while I didn't feel a spark with him , he didn't waste my time and I enjoyed our walk and hoped he would heal and would find joy again..

OP posts:

daisychain01 · 01/04/2024 04:17

I think the bins just took themselves out ...

if you're new to dating, be prepared to have some false-starts, poor matches and people who you don't chime with. That's the nature of it.

If I could give one piece of advice it's to focus mainly on whether you like them and how they make you feel and don't worry so much about whether they like you

By your own admission your first date left you feeling flat and uninspired because all this person did was ramble on about their ex. Do they really believe that's a good way to be on a first date!

If the sky doesn't light up at the thought of them, then chances are it isn't a goer, so time to move on.

daisychain01 · 01/04/2024 04:20

A three hour travel time isn't ideal. When I started dating my now DH we were in a long distance relationship of around 2 hours which wasn't too bad. 3 hours is quite a big ask, not insurmountable but quite challenging.

Original poster

risied · 01/04/2024 04:33

To be honest his continuous talk about his ex wife and the maintenance he pays and his kids wore thin very quickly. He was pleasant and tried to seem interested in talking about their stuff but it was so blatantly clear that he is devastated about his kids etc , that It did feel tedious after a while.
Plus he boasted a bit too about his extravagant holidays which I just found vulgar.

OP posts:

HummingbirdChandelier · 01/04/2024 04:43

I did online dating after divorce. It’s fun, but you need to have no expectations. Just look on it as a good way to get out, meet people, and if something lovely comes along, all the better.

don’t chat too much before meeting as then you can become invested in a fantasy. Always get their surname and Google them.

Set immutable boundaries and stick to them, eg age, distance, kids, etc

People often chat/date more than one person, so you can be the victim of being the one they like least, and they drop off. Don’t let that get you down!

Most of all. It should be fun. If it’s not, bin them off

crockofshite · 01/04/2024 05:50

risied · 01/04/2024 00:44

It's my first date after twenty five years having divorced recently . I'm new to all of this and I am someone who means what they say and expect the same so when actions don't follow words , especially in this scenario, I'm
Wondering if I'm a bit naive?
That was all.

Yes you're being a bit naive.

Dating isn't like the real world. It's a bit Alice in Wonderland. People don't say what they mean or mean what they say.

You definitely need to readjust your expectations. Be prepared to metaphorically kiss a lot of frogs 🐸.

There was no real chemistry and he hasn't followed up. Throw this one back and move on.

Good luck.

Autienotnaughtie · 01/04/2024 06:19

Well it doesn't sound like you were that invested and he is clearly carrying stuff from his past. The hotel was probably a hopeful nod towards getting sex. Good he got in touch and clarified tho.

WalkingaroundJardine · 01/04/2024 06:19

risied · 01/04/2024 04:33

To be honest his continuous talk about his ex wife and the maintenance he pays and his kids wore thin very quickly. He was pleasant and tried to seem interested in talking about their stuff but it was so blatantly clear that he is devastated about his kids etc , that It did feel tedious after a while.
Plus he boasted a bit too about his extravagant holidays which I just found vulgar.

That must have been off putting. Moaning about both the ex wife and paying maintenance. I would avoid.

WishesPromised · 01/04/2024 06:29

risied · 31/03/2024 23:48

I guess he asked if we could meet again and I was vague but agreed. Yet he didnt bother to follow up.
On the date he said he was going to book into a well known beautiful hotel as he needed to do business in the area the next day... I didn't think too much about it until now but when I expressed envy ( in jest) he then messaged me when he ' got home' that night so he was either trying to impress or he was looking for a one night stand and that was not on my radar whatsoever .
He also swerved a question about his surname . He is definitely divorced but I wonder was he just full of shit?

He has two phones and doesn't want you to know his surname?

Are you sure he's divorced?

GlitterBall91 · 01/04/2024 07:44

WishesPromised · 01/04/2024 06:29

He has two phones and doesn't want you to know his surname?

Are you sure he's divorced?

Show quote history

If met online it sounds as though he set his location for where he was working away to in the hope that he would meet somewhere there for a ONS! and is in a relationship with someone else!

yousexybugger · 01/04/2024 15:15

Sorry CBA to quote but re the bit about you being a person who means what they say:

With respect, I'm sure you are very honest in most areas of life, you haven't been here and neither are most people when asked on the spot for a second date by a lacklustre match.

That's fine. It's absolutely fine to say 'yes, great' then let it fizzle. Pretty standard in fact. This sounds like a dud. He didn't sound ready to be dating or particularly interesting.

You then let it go.

I went on more dates than I care to remember before meeting my wonderful DP. My main piece of advice would be not to invest time or mental energy unless you're really keen and they are too. In person.

You'll have plenty of slightly crappy dates like this. You don't have to formally draw a line and it is a bit overkill to do so unless they have asked again directly following the date, usually it is just allowed to mutually drift.

If you find yourself in a similar situation, with someone moaning on about their ex, I would cut the date short. They're not ready and you're not a voluntary therapist. Good luck!