H isn’t keeping up with his Anti Depressants

[LB1710]

Hiya,

Bit of context for the subject, Husband struggles with Anger Issues & mental health. A couple of months ago we had a huge blow up in front of the kids, he then proceeded to empty my clothes to the bottom of the stairs (in front of the kids) and follow me around the house telling me to leave trying to intimidate me. He turns nasty & says things to get a rise for a fight. I’m in no way saying I’m not to blame either, I definitely struggle with my temper…just not to that degree.

after this I told him, he speaks to a doctor or he leaves. He spoke to the doctors who gave him Sertraline, this is by no means a magic cure but makes his anger halved. Since then things have been fairly normal, however he cannot maintain taking the tablets. And lies to me about whether he is indeed taking them. You can tell when he hasn’t taken them as he snaps at everything & turns nasty very fast. I caught him in a lie this week As he told me two different stories about when he last took them. He’s been on the 6 months & within that easily has 3 times he’s not taken them & turned into someone I don’t like again.

my biggest issue is, I love him so much, however I do not want to live with him when he’s not on them. I feel like he’s unbearable & you have to walk on egg shells, we have two Daughters (5 & 2). I worry what this is teaching them & how it affects them so negatively when he’s bad.

when do I decide to leave? Is that enough reason to leave? Feel like I’ve been stuck in this middle ground for a year now.

You don’t need to have a reason to leave. You don’t need to justify it to him or anyone else. If you are unhappy and your children are being affected then I personally would go. This sounds like such a toxic environment for you all.

I think most people have a crunch point. My XH was on antidepressants but he was still miserable and unpleasant to me and DD. I suggested he look at trying different ones and getting counselling but it never happened. There were other things going on and at one point I had an accident, I was totally dependent on him and he just seethed with resentment. I saw him for who he really was then. I got back on my feet and said I wanted to separate.
Ultimately, your H knows what he needs to do and he chooses not to do it. Maybe he can turn it around but if he doesn’t, don’t you think you and your DC deserve better? It’s no life treading on eggshells and being emotional punch bags. My DC is so much happier since we split, even if it was tough at first.

however he cannot maintain taking the tablets

Of course he can - he’s just choosing not to.

If things are much better when he takes his pills and he can’t even be arsed doing that I think that tells you all you need to know really.

I suppose that’s the hard point, I know he knows it’s an issue.
its just once the anger has lifted he is someone I enjoy being around again. I think I’ve started resenting that thou, that we just switch.

i don’t know what i think anymore if im honest.

but appreciate the notes back as i think I know its the truth

Does he get angry with work
colleagues? Or is he able to control that?
I know what it’s like living with someone who has that rage inside and you never know when it’s going to flip on you. It’s horrible, you’re treading on egg shells. Miserable for you and the DC. They act like they can’t help it but if it doesn’t happen at work they have more control than they’re admitting!

Leave now. He’s choosing to not keep up with the antidepressants. He’s showing you how little he cares.

As for the effects on your daughters - my sister and I (both middle aged with adult children) have had a startling realisation that our father was emotionally abusive as we grew up. This has affected our own lives, who we married (and thankfully left), and how we’ve raised our own children, to do what we did, tread on eggshells, accept bad behaviour as normal.

With the benefit of hindsight I often wonder if my life would be different had my mother left, or at least stood up for us, instead of meekly accepting my father’s horrible behaviour.