My dad was dying of cancer and wanted to stay at home. He deteriorated rapidly and my mum was under a lot of pressure with 24 hour care for him. Me and my siblings were there physically to help and were involved in the care.
I realised it was challenging for everyone involved. So to ease the pressure, I cooked a big pot of his favourite stew and portioned it up and brought it over. I would like my dad to have his favourite food before he died. And I thought it would be good for my mum who didn't have time to cook for herself. I also kept a bit for myself.
My mum gave me some feedback....it was okay but the beef was undercooked so I'm not sure we can eat it.
I felt upset because I had put a lot of thought and effort into making it. She said it with such kindness that I believed her, and I threw away all that I had kept for myself. I was confused because it had been on the stove, simmering away for a couple of hours. But I had no reason to disbelieve her.
My mum has continuously and persistently given me this kind of advice since I was very young. When I was a child I bought her some earrings for her birthday. She excitedly opened them, then her face dropped. She said....oh no these are not good at all, this is not my colour, you have got it so wrong.
These are just a couple of examples....one from childhood and one from recently....but the years in between have been chock a block full of these comments.
She seems to want to destroy my self esteem. I have suffered extremely bad mental health throughout my life. I put so much effort into recovery and making my life better, and she goes out of her way to destroy my progress (in the guise of caring).
I feel so stupid because I'm in my 40s and have only just realised what she has been doing. I feel so sad and alone.