To think I will never recover from this…

[Tumbleweed45]

It’s been a year now since I found out for a second time that husband was having affair with another married women. We separated a year ago and only have contact regarding children. I don’t speak to him about personal matters and I have been trying really hard to get on with my life: I took our two young children on holidays last summer and we had a lovely time, I work in a demanding professional job, I’ve kept that going, I help my aging family. To all extent, I’ve kept going but inside I’m so broken. I was with my husband from a teenager and just the callous end to our marriage and the impact it had had on our children as their homes were split etc, just devastated me and I still feel just as devastated. I can’t imagine ever trusting another person again and that is so sad. My children are staying with their father this weekend and I’m looking after my again mother who needs round the clock care, and I just feel really quite lost.

I also tried very hard to be the ‘better wife’ in the interim 12 months before finding out the affair had never stopped so I think my self worth really is at rock bottom.

Hey, so sorry you're feeling low atm.
Not much advice I can give you, I going through the same thing and it's absolutely awful.

Some times I feel good, sometimes I feel really low, it's the ebb and flow of feelings.

It's heartbreaking to know that the one person you trusted so much could treat you so badly.

The one thing that helps me - although my situation as the cheated on ex-wife is awful and there are probably a lot of people out there who pity me... I'd never ever want to.swap with my ex. He had OW who helps with childcare and cleaning and pays half of rent and bills and his life is a lot easier than.mine... I'd rather always be me, because I can leave my marriage with my head held high whereas he has created an alternate universe in which I am to.blame.for everything to live with what he's done.

Everyone says it's like a death and it is.you have to grieve and go through it and its so.awful... we will never forget, but hopefully at some.point we can find peace again

You're not alone in this and I'm.sending you a virtual hug, I totally understand everything you've said

Take care xxx

Thanks so much and so sorry to hear that you have experienced the same. It’s truly so hurtful.
I wish you well and do really hope that we both can recover and go on to live happy lives. Thank you x

The impact of affairs is earth shattering. You did what most people would have done, you tried to save your marriage, there nothing wrong with that.

Your ex watched you giving it your all while he continued the affair- its abusive!

It's incomprehandable how your spouse could.do that to you...

Absolutely nothing wrong with you, it's all on him

It’s understandable that you feel exhausted with all the demands of your life and unfortunately when we are tired, we can be unreasonably harsh on ourselves, blaming ourselves for the screw over by others. As a first line response I would look at how to make your day to day life more manageable. Is going part time an option? Getting some support services to assist you in the care of your parents?

Going part time isn’t an option as finances are so stretched already.

What your husband did was incredibly cruel and hurtful. My ex partner also had an affair and left me for her. I have never experienced heartbreak like it so I totally sympathise. All you can is take each day at a time, find small things to look forward to- a good book/coffee with a friend/a movie with your children. It doesn’t stop the hurt, it just pauses it temporarily. I have cried everyday since my partner left and have tried therapy, excercise, and so on to try and make myself feel better but have come to the conclusion that it’s just going to take a long time.

have you had any therapy? That did help me a bit. Also re-connecting with friends I hadn’t seen for a while. I wish you all the best op, you deserve to feel better after such a horrible experience.