I’ve been with my husband 10 years, married almost a year.
We’ve been through a lot. He has a 14 year old son who I wish I could get along with. Hes not nasty, He’s very quiet, diagnosed with selective mutism from being 4 years old but I’m very convinced he still has it as he’s always struggled voicing his own opinions, doesn’t seem to have friends, barely talks unless spoken to and still will only give one word answers, I feel like I don’t know him and he’s been like this since I met him.. never seems relaxed when he’s at our house I dread him coming sometimes because it feels so awkward.
2 years into our relationship we had our DS (nearly 8) who is autistic. He had a wild temper, but at the same time is extremely caring and loving at the same time and also very clever.
my husband has always enjoyed a good drink. Given the chance he will go to the shop and buy big bottles of beer and happily drink and game all night. Leaving me to feel lonely at night time and abit unloved. (His mum is an alcoholic, so I put it down to this) and his dad is a drinker.
sometimes I don’t mind this especially if he’s finished a long shift at work and needs to unwind. But I also think he priorities his gaming and drinking over thinking about me.. I always go to bed on my own so we never have sex. If I try to mention it to him he uses the excuse it’s difficult with the kids around and he’s always tired from work (he’s only 33) so he’s barely ancient!
a couple of years ago he drunk so much he put a whole through the door and threatened to smash my face in because I wanted him to come to bed with me (I was argumentative)
Everytime I talk about something sensitive to him it ends up in an argument such as the drinking I’ll tell him how I don’t like it but he will carry on..
We also have a DD who is 8 months old so I feel like I can’t leave him with her unattended incase he’s had a drink.
Early this year, a guy I’ve known since school added me on SC and we got talking (yes I know it’s wrong and terrible and how in the wrong I am) we got sending photos and flirty messages simply because I wasn’t getting any attention from my husband.
Husband found the messages of course.
he was devastated I’ve never seen him look for broken as was I, but I shown remorse and guilt and deleted this guy and the app altogether to show him it didn’t mean anything. Took him away for the night paid for a meal bought him new clothes and gifts he rekindled our love that night and felt more or less back to normal. Of course his trust is still building back up but I don’t wanna be involved with other men because of feeling pushed away by my husband.
one thing that I’ve missed out is most of the time we get on really well but more like friends! There’s no touchy feely hugs and kisses I sometimes have to say to him oi giz a kiss in a cute voice for him to acknowledge me.
I just feel like there’s too much going on for me to carry on being with him. I do love him and we get on most of the time and love our children dearly but I always wonder how would I cope on my own and my autistic son would be hugely affected and how would I afford living on my own etc. I found a piece of paper in a draw a few weeks ago saying I love my mum and dad and it broke my heart.
Sorry for the essay my heads just abit scrambled atm.