Is this the Ick or Reparable? Help!

[CrunchingNumbers]

I really don't know what I feel.

Basics: H had an physical affair 2 years ago, whilst working abroad. Marriage was in a bad place before he even went. Sex was almost non-exist (me, not him, menopause/painful)

Affair lasted 6 weeks, he says he just liked feeling wanted sexually as he thought I didn't love him and wasn't attracted to him anymore. Usual script of she didn't mean anything, it was just sex etc etc. He says he wasn't looking and she offered and made herself available. He says he wasn't attracted to her as a person and she was physically unattractive but it didn't matter, he just wanted the physical attention and the feeling it gave him. He said it could have been anybody if they'd offered.

Affair burnt itself out long before I found out, I have proof of that. He's not been overseas since. He's answered every question, time and time again. Open access to socials, emails, WhatsApp, FB. He's supportive of my mood swings, my anger, my pain. He's ashamed and remorseful, genuinely I feel.

He does everything to make me feel better. We went through a period of hysterical bonding, maybe 3 months of sex every night. Great sex at that.

But nearly 2 years on and I'm questioning why I'm still here. How he could have done this too me and why I'm letting myself stay with him. Some nights I can't bear to be in the same bed as him and others we're either snuggling and cuddling or sexually active.

Looking for affair survivors (or not) that can give an insight.

Did you go on treatment that makes sex less painful for you now given that you've started doing lots of it? Not sure I'd have much sympathy for him either. By his own description he'd rather assume you didn't fancy him and go elsewhere, than actually ask you why you are not interested in sex with him. Did he never ask why? That's appalling communication if so.
Why still there? A relationship is all other things apart from sex, and good ones have good communication, but if you are now having sex instead of talking, has there been any improvement in communication? Is he good in other ways?

OP - affair recovery takes more than just answering all questions; being open with phone and restarting sex. The actual relationship needs re-tuning and re-building. The questions mulling in your head - how could he have done this... - should be asked in counselling. And you need to also be open to hearing his side and how it felt for him prior/during and after the affair.
It all takes time and joint effort.
I think you two have not done this bit and hence you are struggling. You haven't processed it all. Have not resolved past issues, etc.

Have you looked at forums dedicated to affair recovery - Surviving Infidelity, or Ester Perel's FB group (or her books/podcasts)? I think you'll find better support there - as here on MN people tend to be quite cavalier about other people's marriages. And you'll be told that leaving is the only choice.
You don't have to stay, of course. But if you do think you want to stay - have a look at other people's experiences who have gone through similar.

To answer your original question - yes. It is possible to get through this.