First Date Dilemma

[Legomaster85]

Last week, I went on a coffee date with a man that I met through a friend.
He was totally lovely, we had lots in common, chatted for hours and had a lots of laughs.
It was all very natural and relaxed.

The problem is that I just don't think I fancy him. He's just too short and I hated his clothes!! I know that sounds superficial, but I can't help it.
I can't decide if this is worth pursuing!? I would love to spend another afternoon chatting to him, I really enjoyed his company and he was really interesting. But if I agree to a second date, is that leading him on!?

Don't waste his time, if he is too short then he is not going to increase in height - ever, unless you start making him wear built up shoes and that would be unacceptable behaviour.

How short is he? Shorter than you, or just shorter than your previous partners? You might not notice when you get to know him a bit. Not sure about the camp bit tho?

Oh if you’ve known him for ages and don’t remotely fancy him then that’s different. Only you know if it’s worth the second date.

Ok, I don't think this is about his height and that day's outfit. I think it's his general demeanour which you find quite unsexy. That's fine. I would move on. He sounds nice, you could let him know you felt a friendship vibe and see if he would like to meet as mates.

It sounds like you've been doing some evaluation of what you want, a good kind man, looks aren't key etc. great. That doesn't mean you have to marry the next one who fits that description. Just as the next tall handsome man wouldn't necessarily be a great match.

I wish your research was fact lol my ex is short and horrible in bed. And every other short guy I’ve been with has been horrible except one.

Another one here where it took me a while to fancy my now DH of nearly 30 years. We knew each other for 2 years before the penny dropped.

A kissed a very short man once. As I leant towards him, my hair fell forwards and went into my mouth as we kissed.
He was a lovely bloke and I don’t for a second regret the experience.

Re: the clothes.. have you seen the girlfriend effect?

Hiya. I've seen that there were some recent messages on this thread so I thought I'd update.
I went on a second date, and a third, and a fourth and he has really grown on me.
We have been seeing each other for a few months now and the sex is amazing! Much better than I thought possible. I can honestly say that I really like and fancy him now.

It's obviously very early days and, for various reasons, I'm not sure how things will work out long term, but it was definitely worth going on a second date and giving him another go.

Ohhh that’s so nice to read 🤗.

Enjoy yourselves and who knows what might happen 😄

Lovely update. Enjoy!

I was going to post and say 'give it a chance' and then I spotted you already did 😁 I'm glad it worked out and is going well.

I didn't fancy my DP on our first date but we got on really well. It was three weeks until I eventually felt I wanted to kiss him,when we did, it was amazing. Two years down the line I told him how sexy I find him just this morning...and I meant it!

Sometimes these things just take time to develop I guess.

He can't help his height, but clothes can easily be improved. Sometimes things develop more slowly attraction wise. I'd give him a second date. If you can't envisage wanting to sleep with him at some point by the end of date two then I guess you know you'll just say you'd rather be friends?

I would love to spend another afternoon chatting to him, I really enjoyed his company and he was really interesting.

Sounds like the great basis for another date. To quote Bruce Springsteen, “you can’t start a fire without a spark”. True. But sometimes the spark comes from rubbing two sticks together for a while rather than whipping out a lighter. Just my twopenneth worth, anyway.

Great to hear you gave him more chances and things changed. 🤩

Many many years ago when I met my husband his wardrobe was so do drab.
Grey,blue,black 🙄.
After we were out a while I bought him two WILD rugby Jersey's with collars, fashionable at the time. They were striped in navy, white,green, and blue,red white. Smart looking.
He said he'd use them for training! He saw my face and said he would wear one out. He did the next night we were out and spent the night fielding compliments from both female and male friends....he was thrilled with himself, having never experienced it before😁. Wd ended up going shopping as he wouldn't take them off🤣. Clothes can definitely be updated, personality's NOT.

edit: sorry! Just read your update! Amazing. Let this be a lesson for all of us!

I’ve changed my mind about instant attraction. It usually spells danger. If you haven’t had success dating your “usual types” this is going to feel weird at first, but I’d say def meet him again.

Clearly you can’t force yourself and I have been in a similar situation and we stayed friends after we tried a kiss and I ended up laughing in his face 😶

Oooh - I missed the update! Glad to hear it is going well!