Unhappy at 60

[Leaveorstay60]

I'm seriously unhappy with my husband of 30 years. We have nothing in common anymore apart from our 2 dogs, he drinks heavily, smokes moderately and rarely showers (although he does have a good wash every day so is clean). I've asked him to cut down his drinking and he says he will, but nothing changes. I also suspect he has a lot of personal debt that he's not telling me about. Our sex life is non existent.

He's still working full time, from home, and I'm looking for work after being made redundant a year ago, at 60 finding employment is hard. We've no savings to speak of.

I'm on anti-depressants for stress and anxiety and I'm not sure how much longer I can cope with this life. Ideally I want to leave with the dogs, but we have nowhere to go and not a lot of money.

If I were in your position (and I was in a similar position a few years ago) I would consult a lawyer who specialises in family law. If you & (D)H own the property you're living in, you should be entitled to half the proceeds. It's just a hunch, but I suspect that, once you're away from (D)H, you won't need the antidepressants for stress and anxiety. Then you will be in a much better position to get a job. Good luck!

Sorry, managed to omit: if you sell the property!

There but for the Grace of God go I.

I left my ex dh at 45 because I could envisage a future exactly as you describe.

Just leave. Have 10 or 20 years peaceful calm existence. Its better than nothing.

You say you have no-where to go but thats normal. People don't keep spare accommodation so that they have somewhere to go if their relationship breaks down. It's the other way round. The relationship breaks down, then they look for somewhere to go.

Have you approached the local council?

It sounds like you're very miserable in this marriage and your husband sounds like he has made no effort for a long time. Like pp said, you probably won't need tablets if he isn't around in your life making you miserable. What's your job background? We may be able to help suggest something.

My SIL met someone on a dating site (she's 64) last year (my brother RIP) and it's going really well. My brother was an alcoholic and didn't give her the best life (that he should've done)! I'm glad she has found a man to make her days brighter. You will too!