A sister one

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My younger sister and I never been particularly close but we had functional relationship & got on pretty well when we met, althought I was always the one putting in the effort to arrange things.

I had my first child last year (a difficult pregnancy after 3 previous losses) and my sisters relationship with her boyfriend broke down around this time. She barely contacted me when I was pregnant/had a newborn which was hurtful but sort of expected.

My sister is staying with my parents at the moment and I took my daughter round to visit my parents yesterday (my sister knew we would be coming). My sister was very cold to me and completely blanked my daughter on two sepaprate occasions which shocked me. I didn't say anything at the time as my mum has physical and mental health issues and I knew it would upset her.

I'm just looking for any advice about how to move forward. I can accept her hostility to me but not to my daughter.I'm considering going no contact but my husbands family live abroad and neither of us have much in the way of extended family and I ideally want my daughter to have a bit of a wider family.

I don't think you should do anything as such. Let her behaviour speak for itself. You maintain a façade of pleasant indifference and no one can ever accuse you of rudeness or joining in. If she's going to be like that, let her do it on her own. You haven't done anything wrong.

It will be clear that you are open to a good relationship while she prefers to create tension. In other words, give her enough rope and she'll hang herself.

Her unhappiness at her relationship breaking down and her moving back home (and caring for your DM?) has possibly made her jealous and resentful of your own happiness in a secure relationship and your new DC. Can you arrange a lunch or something round yours for you both to sit down and calmly broach with her what she's feeling and how you can both move forward? Let her know you'd like a warmer relationship with her and see what she says. Worth a try?

Read@pictoosh very wise words, don’t make it in to a big deal. Plus congratulations on the birth of your baby.

I also wouldn't do anything. Be polite and let her lead it, if she's distant then let her be. Don't start begging for attention.

Thanks everyone for your thoughtful advice. @pictoosh I'm relived that I managed to stop myself snapping as I'm sure that would have created an incident and made everything worse and I'll try and stick to that in future, however difficult.

@Springisroundthecorner I'm sure she is jealous of me and I do understand; I'm sure I've got things wrong but I've tried to be sensitive about my daughter- I don't really message her or tell her about my daughter, only if she asks. She's only staying with my parents for a couple of weeks - I actually live closer to our parents and we normally help my mother out pretty equally.

I would like to have a proper conversation with her as there's clearly a lot under the surface but she's said things to my mum behind my back (that weren't true but my mum seems to believe whatever she says) so I'm almost nervous of having a conversation that goes beyond small talk.