Lack of support

[FunnyZebra]

My poor auntie is on end of life care. It’s all come as such a shock, this time last week she was fine. Then obviously she got poorly. My mum is absolutely devastated which is understandable and I literally want nothing more to be there for her. This is what my post is about. My ‘darling’ partner is the most unsupportive c*nt I’ve ever come across in my whole life. He is literally acting so so cold against me as I’m nothing to him. Not even an are you ok or give me a cuddle I’m here for you etc nothing. I was upset yesterday as I’m obviously devastated about my auntie and hearing my mum sob on the phone is literally heartbreaking . He took one look at me and said what the fuck is up with you ? and I was like you know what and he replied with what still? So now I’m questioning my emotions that I’m not allowed to be grieving like I can’t be. I also live 40-60ish miles away from my mum and I don’t drive so unless he drives us up there I can’t go up there (I live rural so the nearest train station is 1.5 bus journey away and with 3 kids in tow one of which is a newborn wouldn’t be practical along with a few days worth of stuff) he had a swift personality transplant yesterday and said we would go up tomorrow (now today) for one night. I told my mum and she literally cried and said thank you, j have got another sister but she isn’t coping mentally with the whole thing. He’s woke up in the night and randomly said we ain’t going today, I was already up with the baby so I said why and he said dunno we ain’t so you can tell your mum we’re not going. He then fucked off jn the spare room leaving me with the baby and literally in a state cos the lack of support again.

im sorry this is so long but honestly im so broken, the man who is meant to love me and be my rock, isn’t. If im honest this whole thing feels like a massive inconvenience for him. I’ve never felt like hes not supported me as much as he is now and i dont know what his fucking problem is. While we don’t go today if I walk around upset he eill be like cheer up etc. and then on the funeral day he will expect to come and show me support and be false. My mind is a bit clouded at the moment I don’t know what I want from this post I guess just support as he’s not giving me none at all 😞😞😞 sorry it’s so long x

I’m very sorry to hear about your poor auntie and your mum. Of course you are upset and looking for support from your partner. At least you know now what he’s really like, so you can plan your life without him. 💐

Thank you it’s so hard. We’ve been together for 12 years can you believe it. In that 12 years I’ve never lost anybody but your partner is meant to be your rock. He’s definitely not mine I feel so alone x

So sorry about your auntie OP your partner is being a dick. Has always been like this? Or is this a new side sounds like an attention thing not on him so doesn't give a shit I had an ex like that. Really hope you're okay and I agree get big girl pants and LTB♥️♥️

Get a taxi to the train station with new born
He can parent his other kids whilst you are away.

Go OP with a bag and the baby. Whilst he is clearly an arse if you don't make a stand now and show him you are going with or without his help he will continue to think he is king of the world.

And I bet if he thinks he will have to parent and look after the house solo for a few days the drive won't seem so bad. Although at this point I would be tempted to still just go with baby. End of life is no place for young kids. They should stay at home with their dad.

Sorry you are going through such a sad time and a
feeling alone.

Your husband is showing you that this is who he really is, a selfish person. who values what he wants above all else

I would go on the train with all 3 children, and leave the bastard behind happily.

Every family is different. In our family the children share in being there, as much as possible , with family supporting end of life.

Family take comfort in being able to share care of any children , while adults spend time with their loved one at end of life . We were all there with my Dad, the grandchildren and children, when he died a few Easter’s ago. In his last few days with us, he was smiling and chatting with them when they gave him Easter themed drawings.

Considering you need to take a bus, then train , would you feel OK to consider taking the 3 children, and pack each of them a backpack with the bare minimum, changes of underwear, socks , PJS , snacks , drink bottle & teddies? You could ask if your mum could meet you at end of bus trip? Or at least at the station near her?

Or Would Your mum consider coming for you and the kids ? You could drive her back in her car?

Hi I’ve never lost anyone so I’m not sure, regarding support he’s not really been one to offer support. But demands it of me. It doesn’t make sense

Learn to drive. Stop relying on a selfish unfeeling git. Never allow him to put you in this situation again.

“he’s not really been one to offer support. But demands it of me. It doesn’t make sense”

recently I spoke with an elderly woman who had to give up driving. She was referring to her DH who was continuing to do his own thing, and not offering to take her when he went shopping , even though she missed choosing the foods and she continued to prepare meals for him.

She simply said;”people are all different;some help and some don’t. “
I found it so sad that she had resigned herself to not accessing support from her life partner.

Please don't stay supporting this man who refuses to support you. You deserve so much more.

How old are your children? I think you need some space. Pack the kids up and go for a break at your mums without him. He needs a serious think.

Meadowfinch · Today 05:21
Learn to drive. Stop relying on a selfish unfeeling

I so agree with @Meadowfinch
Get angry , take that bus and train , plan to learn to drive, and don’t take anymore poor treatment from your Dh.

Oops sorry missed part of @Meadowfinch quote

I think his behaviour for not taking you to your family is Cruel.
Pack yourself and thr baby a bag and somehow go.
Is anyone in your area that could get you to the train?
The man needs a talking to and you can be in any mood or emotion you feel as a parent, neice, daughter.
Does he have no compassion?

Go for more than a break. This man does not deserve you.

Exactly what i was going to say. Take the baby to mums..let him care for others...stay out of contact with him whilst your there. Hes cruel.

OP you need a plan ...doesn't have to be an immediate one but certainly in the near future. Including learning to drive (don't be reliant on a man..ever IMO).

We get what we settle for and you are definitely settling for bottom of the barrel.

I'm sorry about your Aunty.

Don't let your mum down, get a cab to the station with the kids and if possible, don't go back to him, he's shown you who he really is

I hope you are OK @FunnyZebra with baby and the children and you and your Mum and family grieving about your Auntie and her end of life illness.