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Original poster

Younger guy can a situationship turn into relationship

26 replies

3sausagedogs · 29/03/2024 00:39

So I’m 42 and I’ve known this guy who’s 35 for about a year. We met at a party and chatted and swapped numbers. We dated and then he kinda freaked out and disappeared. A year later he rings me and asks to meet me for a drink to say sorry. I go on the drink and we get on and he really did apologise for disappearing etc. We started hanging out a bit and I was fine keeping it casual because of the age difference and because he freaked out once before, so could easily do it again. He’s started messaging and calling all the time and buying me little gifts etc He told me he feels a connection and he doesn’t get that often. Again I was keeping it casual in my head. We do sleep together and it’s great but I find it a bit odd the fact that he’s calling so much and buying me things. He is very grown up for his age and I’m sick of meeting Aholes on apps or in the gym so the company and attention is nice. Can this turn into something or am I crazy?

OP posts:
TheSolstices · 29/03/2024 00:45

I’m not getting why you’re so hung up on a seven year age difference — and that you describe a 35 year old man as ‘very grown up for his age’ is deeply weird. He’s 35!

Luckycloverz · 29/03/2024 00:48

Have a grown up conversation. Ask him where he sees it going and discuss what you both want to do.

Superdupersomeone · 29/03/2024 01:41

I'd pay more attention to his hot and cold behaviour than to his age. That is more likely to be the problem here.

dontcryformeargentina · 29/03/2024 03:01

Seven years age difference is nothing in my books.. Don't sell yourself short.

bradpittsbathwater · 29/03/2024 03:06

He's a grown man. Why are you making a 7 year age gap such an issue? I agree the hot and cold behaviour isn't great though. Maybe he clings on when you pull back a but, then loses interest when he gets your attention.

FridaySpark · 29/03/2024 03:20

Grown up for his age. 🤣 Sorry but that’s funny.

42 and 35, no issue at all in terms of ages, other than if he wants kids. He could waste your time for a while, if you don’t want kids or possibly too old to have them by then and then he fucks off with someone younger. That happened to a woman I know. If that’s not a factor, then no issue at all.

Rania78 · 29/03/2024 04:50

FridaySpark · 29/03/2024 03:20

Grown up for his age. 🤣 Sorry but that’s funny.

42 and 35, no issue at all in terms of ages, other than if he wants kids. He could waste your time for a while, if you don’t want kids or possibly too old to have them by then and then he fucks off with someone younger. That happened to a woman I know. If that’s not a factor, then no issue at all.

She can always use donor eggs. Not that big issue

FridaySpark · 29/03/2024 04:58

Rania78 · 29/03/2024 04:50

She can always use donor eggs. Not that big issue

Show quote history

Thats naive. It’s not as easy as that for many people. Finances, ethics, emotions, increased risks in pregnancy, potential problems years down the line etc.

OP not want kids/more kids anyway as I said. I was just highlighting a potential problem as someone I know was messed around at those ages (ish).

Guavafish1 · 29/03/2024 05:12

If your enjoying you situationship then continue, however, if your not longer enjoying it and want it to become a relationship then you need a serious conversation with him.

Its the only way to find out.

Don't settle because of past experience in the gym or on dating apps.

Dacadactyl · 29/03/2024 06:19

I don't think this is going anywhere.

Footyfandango · 29/03/2024 06:50

Grown up for his age...is this a wind up ?

samestyle · 29/03/2024 07:10

He's 35! don't blame his age.
he's talking the talk and gifting you things, I'm guessing it's been only weeks in? I would be very wary, sounds like lovebombing,
to be brutally honest if someone likes you enough in the first place, they don't disappear on you. He came back a year later, I suspect it didn't work out with someone else, no one leaves it a year if they are seriously interested.

Porageeater · 29/03/2024 07:15

Have you written it wrong and you mean 25? Because 35 is a non issue unless as others have said he wants kids, not impossible of course. Freaking out and ghosting you is more the issue you need to address.

anywherehollie · 29/03/2024 07:22

He's 35 not 25 😂 having said that my husband is 25 and I'm 35 so obviously I am going to feel your situation is a non issue.

PotatoPudding · 29/03/2024 07:29

I thought you were going to say you were 45 and he was 25. Seven years barely qualifies as an age gap these days. As for your comment about him being very grown up for his age, I would love to know what makes a 35 year old ‘grown up for their age’.

Housewife2010 · 29/03/2024 07:36

What's a situationship? Is it a typo?
Agree that 7 years is nothing at that age.

AyeupDuck · 29/03/2024 07:39

Grown up for his age? He is thirty bloody five.

NotMyDayJob · 29/03/2024 07:52

Rania78 · 29/03/2024 04:50

She can always use donor eggs. Not that big issue

Show quote history

Using donor eggs should be taken way more seriously than this flippant approach. You're creating a life, not going down the supermarket. And I say that as the mother of an egg donor conceived child.

OP - he's just not that into you.

Catandsquirrel · 29/03/2024 07:57

Grown up for his age! Sorry, that made me smile!

Well has he said what he wants? As in committed relationship specifically with you? Or is he just enjoying a bit of lovey stuff on the side of his casual fling? Find out before you spend time wondering. Obviously a year ago doesn't bode very well so I would want clarity, definitely don't let your imagination get away with you here.

It's not a substantial gap at your ages. The only potential issue being that it may cross fertility boundaries compared to say, 45 and 52, if he wants children so I would also establish that.

yellowsmileyface · 29/03/2024 08:45

Is this the same guy you've posted about before? If so, he seems incredibly flaky and unreliable.

Some guys will blow hot and cold, then come back and shower you with gifts and attention. It's basically manipulation, to make you feel you owe them another chance and that it won't happen again. Buying gifts is easy at the end of the day, it's not a solid substitute for consistency and reliability.

I'm sorry to say it sounds like he's likely to just disappear again. If you were happy to maintain a casual relationship with him, it'd be one thing. But if you're starting to want a relationship with him, I think it's best to move on.

Catoo · 29/03/2024 09:05

What was his reason for disappearing OP?

Original poster
3sausagedogs · 29/03/2024 09:42

I’ve met a few guys who are 35 with no kids and they are very immature still. They go out drinking all the time, still live at home, have never had a proper relationship etc. All they talk about it MILFS etc and they still act like they are 20! he is mature for his age, I agree some men at 35 have children, a mortgage etc but they are hard to find. He talks to me and asks me questions and listens! Not many guys do that! He runs his own business and it kinda went under and he wasn’t coping when he disappeared. I went for the drink because I feel it’s important for people to get the chance to apologise and not many men do!
he seems different this time but I feel more reserved so maybe it’s me that’s different? I feel like if he disappeared again I wouldn’t be shocked

OP posts:
Catandsquirrel · 29/03/2024 09:58

I’ve met a few guys who are 35 with no kids and they are very immature still. They go out drinking all the time, still live at home, have never had a proper relationship etc. All they talk about it MILFS etc and they still act like they are 20

Well, no, the above types are very immature for 35.

Kids, mortgage or not, it is not typical for a healthy 35 year old man to be unable to hold a reciprocal social conversation or make his own living. These things are not signs of noteworthy maturity at 35. They are signs of basic adult functioning.

TheSolstices · 29/03/2024 09:59

Catandsquirrel · 29/03/2024 09:58

I’ve met a few guys who are 35 with no kids and they are very immature still. They go out drinking all the time, still live at home, have never had a proper relationship etc. All they talk about it MILFS etc and they still act like they are 20

Well, no, the above types are very immature for 35.

Kids, mortgage or not, it is not typical for a healthy 35 year old man to be unable to hold a reciprocal social conversation or make his own living. These things are not signs of noteworthy maturity at 35. They are signs of basic adult functioning.

Yes, the OP has been meeting some unusually juvenile outliers.

Catoo · 29/03/2024 11:08

So when he disappeared was he in a relationship with someone else?