No resolve on my marriage break up

[wherediditallgosowrong]

My husband and I have struggled for years. Looking back there wasn't a big love but more a next step to marriage, what an over sight. He is a good good man, quite rigid and flat but good and kind. We have struggled a huge amount, very little conversation at all, smiles, laughter, pillow talk or pillow silence. We haven't been in a relationship for 4 years and are separated.

But why why why am I still struggling. I feel like a bad bad person for not being able to make it work. Why am I suffering with this so badly, when I see other people being able to move on and have hope about the future.

I don't love him the way a wife should, he says he loves me but I'm baffled by it.

Why can I get past this? Please someone help me because the doubt and fear won't let up and they're destroying me.

We made a mistake getting married, or I did at least. I feel we sometimes that I should just live with this mistake, for the kids, for him and for security of the future in every sense. And then I can't, I feel like there must be something wrong with me that I can't make it work. They say love is a choice, but I cannot see to force it.

Bump

Please try not to feel guilty because things didn't work out. You say yourself that you made a mistake getting married and have struggled for years with a rigid partner.
It sounds like you were incompatible and have done the right thing by separating; it's not just your fault, it takes two to make a marriage work.
Try to look on it as a fresh start, and a chance for both of you to find happiness. Get counselling for yourself to help you put everything into perspective and to help you move forward. No one should have to force themselves to stay with someone if they are miserable, too many women ignore their unhappiness and do that. You recognised it and separated and now you just need to accept and honour your own feelings and realise that this is the right path for you.