How does someone decide to end a decade long relationship

[Orangetattoo]

Been with partner about 10 years and things haven't been great for a while.
Very little in common anymore, not interested in each others hobbies and both busy in work.
Partner will fall asleep and ignore my calls then does not listen when I explain how it makes me feel. Arguments go unresolved because we don't understand each others perspective.
I don't want to start over. No kids, nothing to show for the relationship. How to decide what to do? Both mid 30's and feel I've thrown life away. Can't even afford to live alone. Feeling life is a bit pointless and sometimes wonder if life is even worth it.

Read Too Bad To Stay, Too Good To Leave by Mira Kirshenbaum

Make an exit plan. Start putting money away in a separate account. You don't say whether you co own or co rent so hard to give advice on that without more details.
Just don't stay, you'll both be miserable.

You are only mid-30. Plenty of life in front of you.
You were young when you met - just barely adults. Now you have grown up and matured - and don’t for together.

So - it’s not about throwing away 10 years with nothing to show for it. Who exactly is judging your relationship’s outcome????
I’d think of it as getting to the next phase of life; figuring out what that next step is.
For eg - do you want to have a child? If yes - you need to make a plan as your fertility is not endless…. Etc

That said - you sound down, and maybe depressed?

The house is the start? Do you own or rent? If you can't afford to live alone, a house share or lodging is better than the life you have. Look into the possibilities without dismissing it from the start.

Life would feel a lot better if you became free of this relationship.
The thing is you can choose to stay, but then the decision could be taken out of your hands and he decides to end it.

It would be rare for two people without kids to stick a relationship like this out forever, you could resign yourself to staying and he could meet someone and end it anyway so you do need an exit plan.

You sound depressed, would you consider seeing a therapist?

You just decided… and then you act on it. Life’s too short

You decide its what you want to d0 and then make whatever plans you need to to achieve it.

Sometimes, even just being in the planning stage can help it feel.less hopeless.

But mainly, when you think about your life in 1, 2, 5, 10 years time, do you want it to look like it does now or not? Decide what you do want it to look like and then make that happen.

That's literally how you do it. There is no other way.

This. You’re young, you could make the decision to change things & build a fabulous life for yourself.

Or you could just fester & let things keep getting worse.

I was you & I festered until my 40th birthday, by which time I was severely depressed. I can still remember the moment on that day when it hit me that this was the only life I had & if I didn’t do something, things would only keep getting worse.

10 years on & it’s been the best decade of my life.

Why would you stay and waste more of your life in a relationship that has stagnated and where you have grown apart? You are still young, plenty of time to move on and create a new life for yourself. You sound very low in spirits though, l would suggest some counselling for some support and to help you work out what you really want.

FWIW, I left my marriage at 37.

I've had the best 12 years since I did so! I wasn't working at the time for various reasons and I had zero family support (linked to the reasons why i wasnt working) so it wasn't an easy choice but I'm so glad I made it. I've done things in theblast 12 years i couldn't even have dreamed of doing had I still been in that marriage. I just wouldn't have met the people I did or had the opportunities.