Breakup - advice?

[OneGlamMama]

I called things off with my partner/fiance in early February - I feel unhappy due to their controlling and insecure behaviour, my son (5) is noticing this, and I don't see a long term future with them.
However, with their old trick of manipulation, I said we could give things another go.

I still feel the same. I don't want to be in this relationship any longer.

However, they've just had a bereavement of a close family member and they are broken over it.

I can't be that dick now, can I?

Any advice would be appreciated...

Yes. End it now. It’s not your problem, move on.

This is very difficult. In hindsight, of course you should not have got back together.

What sort of support is this person asking of you in respect of the bereavement? And how recent is it? If you're still in the funeral planning phase, perhaps suck things up and be supportive for a few more days/weeks. But there's no reason to continue the relationship beyond that.

Yes, do what is right under these changed circumstances, but edge your way out and behave differently, keep safe, end conversations, reduce time together etc where possible.

And create forward moving energy by privately planning your new life and get started where possible, new regimes, looking at why you went back, etc etc.

Good luck x

We live together so it's extremely difficult.

The family member passed last weekend. They've spent all week supporting family. They are organising funeral bits and balloon releases etc

I've tried supporting them (but been told I've not been doing a good enough job by not texting them all day everyday...)

I'm so drained and I just need out. But I don't know how to do this safely...

"I don't know how to do this safely" is a very scary phrase to read. what does this mean? What makes this situation unsafe? Are you scared for your physical safety? In which case, you just need him gone.

Did he move back in once you got back together? Is he on tenancy agreement/mortgage? What financial ties do you have? Is it possible to just tell him to leave/change locks/ kick him out?

I think that while it would perhaps be viewed as cruel to dump someone in the middle of all this, it's not okay for him to be abusing you while he goes through this.

They are incredibly insecure. When I tried to leave the first time, they got extremely aggressive throwing garden furniture, punching walls etc

I’m more so worried that because of the extra grief, they are not thinking clearly and it’s only going to take them one instance to do something.

They never left. It was literally a day we were over. We have a dual tenancy. I have debt in my name that they are responsible for but I take responsibility for that. But that’s it.

I’m not sure what they will do when I end things again as the first time around they were like “I have every right to be here, you and your son leave”

They are so controlling. So insecure. Constantly accusing me of cheating when nothing is going on. I’m exhausted.

Simple you shouldn't have got back together totally wrong decision when children are involved

Yeah. Hindsight is a wonderful thing isn't it?

Helpful

Okay, so you potentially can't force them to leave. And if this person (PS - trying to be vague on gender is annoying and pointless as the behaviour is shitty whether it's a man or a woman) is abusive and controlling, the reality is that you cannot expect rational, compassionate or considered responses.

So, assuming you're a woman, perhaps call Women's Aid for advice on safely leaving. Because you are most likely going to have to walk away for your own physical and mental health. Check with the landlord or letting agency about breaking the tenancy agreement. I'm pretty sure that you can choose to exit the agreement and your ex would then either have to resign as an individual or move out too. But not your problem.

Once you know how long until you can leave, start looking for somewhere new for you and your DS. Then just go.