Just to start, this isn’t a MIL-bashing thread, I’d be asking the same about any family member if their behaviour was the same.
So DH is an only child. We make the effort to see MIL every 3-4 weeks at hers or DH will pick her up and bring her to ours as she doesn’t drive. She always has jobs that need doing wether it be at hers (gardening, some DIY) or st ours (brings her laptop and needs help booking and ordering stuff). This is fine and we’re happy to help. MIL is widowed and has an active social life which is great and we’re usually fine to fit around her schedule.
The issue we have is that she flatly refuses to help in return when we very rarely need it. In fact it’s not just us it’s the extended family too. For example we asked if we could drop DD off at hers last year while we attended a funeral (DD is nervous being alone in the house for a long period), she said she couldn’t as her friend might want her to visit, ok I guess. She said she couldn’t help with any of our wedding prep last spring as ‘she was all booked up in the run up’. Refused to let us have a delivery sent to hers while we were in between moving houses and didn’t want it to turn up at the wrong time. I could go on!
I get this is her prerogative and as annoying as can be it’s her choice. Now what gets me is that when it comes to her ‘besties’ and nearby neighbours she couldn’t be more helpful! Babysitting, travelling to help out if they are unwell, even giving us tiny portions of dinner and dessert so she can drop round little care packages to people! I’m not saying she should only cater to us but DH is her only child and to see her not willing to help us in any way is quite sad if I’m honest. DH has resigned himself to it and says she’s always been the same even when he was a kid, so I’m having to stomach it too basically.
Just wondered why some people are like this though? Is it performative? Is it more important for outsiders to see her in a good light?