Moving away from toxic family

[Stillhoping1990]

Considering moving away from toxic family with my DH and our twin babies.
My mother is very controlling and selfish. I’ve received hardly any help from her since babies arrived yet she wants to come and see them for the fun activities such as baby groups. My father hasn’t helped and my sister doesn’t bother to message and see how we are. It’s always been toxic - my mum is a very unhappy women and has nothing nice to say about anyone. To give you some more background - she called me ugly when I was a child and made me feel resented. She was disinterested in parenting and very lazy with my sister and I. Parents would often fight around us and had an awful relationship. I want the total opposite for my girls.
My question is, to others who have moved away from toxic family, did it help? My worry is that we’ll have to see more of them when they visit as they will stay for days rather than hours at a time. We are considering Dubai.

[AttilaTheMeerkat]

I would consider moving away.

You are under no obligation to host any of your family members given how you’ve been treated by them. They will need to stay in a hotel if any of them were to bother to visit. It is not your fault they are like this and you did not make them that way.

Have a read of and or post on the current well we took you to Stately Homes thread on these Relationships pages too.

[Stillhoping1990]

I must also add that my DH is very close to his family - so it’s a tough decision for him. x

[mindutopia]

We moved a few years ago and my family don’t even know where we live. It’s wonderful. I was finally able to exhale.

They didn’t live close (different countries), but they knew where we lived and would still send crazy stuff in the post. I always feared them turning up and kicking off.

You don’t ever have to host them. You don’t have to do big visits back. That said, you don’t have to move away to have space. Just stop seeing them or having much to do with them.

[Startingagainandagain]

Same as the previous poster.

I moved away from all my relatives when I was about 20.

Went completely no contact a few years ago as my boundaries were not respected. My toxic mother and her side of the family have no idea of where I live now.

No regret.