Meet the Other Phone. Flexible and made to last.

Meet the Other Phone.
Flexible and made to last.

Buy now

Please or to access all these features

Relationships

Mumsnet has not checked the qualifications of anyone posting here. If you need help urgently or expert advice, please see our domestic violence webguide and/or relationships webguide. Many Mumsnetters experiencing domestic abuse have found this thread helpful: Listen up, everybody

He's gone back to his first love

4 replies

poppypan · 26/03/2024 22:35

I left my husband recently. He spent the first few months trying to convince me to change my mind. He was a doting dad, if the kids needed angering, he got it for them, wanted them all the time, despite the fact my main reason for leaving him was because he never made effort with us and never wanted to do things with us as a family. I didn't fall for it, I know him and I know his changes are only even short lived and then we go back to the same cycle.

Then suddenly, it all stopped. Contact cut back to every other weekend for 1 night, no visits in between. Couldn't afford to buy new school shoes, couldn't afford maintenance. Turns out he's reunited with his first girlfriend, which is fine except he seems to have completely regressed back into that 17 year old and has forgotten about his children.

I feel like all the effort was just for me, to convince me to stay, to show me what a great family man he is. but now I've been replaced so the kids go back to having a dad who can't be arsed to be around them.

I'm so devastated for them, they're only little so they don't really know and don't seem phased, he wasn't an active parent when we were together so being with just me is normal to them really.

I've tried to talk to him but I'm just bitter and jealous and trying to ruin his new relationship. I'm out to ruin him and stop him moving on.

I just don't understand; what is this, midlife crisis? Is this going to last? She has children and so I cannot imagine him wanting to be around someone else's children when he can't be bothered with his own.

I'm hurt, I don't care he has someone else, I ended it, I don't want him. But I want my children to have their dad, they don't deserve this. How do I protect them?

There's no point to this really, just needed to let it out. I always kept our marriage private and I've kept our separation private too. I don't want to speak to people and be accused of bad mouthing him. I guess I'm back to being a solo parent, at least I didn't fall for his tricks and go back there.

OP posts:
Morewineplease10 · 26/03/2024 23:22

Oh god op. That's difficult. What an asshole.

No advice especially but he's unlikely to change in the long run so try not to feel too jealous.

What a poor excuse for a father. It's good that your kids aren't missing him at least.

Have you got people you can talk to who you can trust? I understand you want to keep things private but could telling one or two close friends help?

Yoe · 27/03/2024 00:18

Honey you’re a winner here. You knew what he was like and left . Even though you don’t think it now you will manage and do amazing . Now money and maintainence needs to be sorted and his responsibility to finance his family that is a must.. seek help with this . If communication is completely broken down as he for some reason thinks you want him back this is were you will need help . Wishing you the very best …

RandomForest · 27/03/2024 00:25

Sounds like he's punishing you through the children for leaving him.

Many men do this.

Remind him, once the bond breaks it's very difficult for it to be repaired.

Children often lose out.

Lighteningstrikes · 27/03/2024 00:38

Honestly you don’t need revenge because his new girlfriend will soon find out his true colours.

Besides that anyone with more than one brain cell will see for themselves the total lack of effort and money he has for his own children.

You did the right thing, so be proud. Things will get so much better for you in time because you won’t have his deadweight round your neck.

Contact the CMS agency (or whatever their new name is) regarding child maintenance payments.

New posts on this thread. Refresh page