Phubbing

[Withalifelessordinary]

Is anyone constantly on the receiving end of phubbing , I am trying so hard not to let it be the straw that breaks this camels back but am finding it hard.

A bit of research says theres a few red flags if its affecting your relationship and this isnt the only thing but I think im going to let the party involved have their relationship with their phone ,

I am divested enough now to let the past be the past and probably look to a brighter future without the post sex reach for facebook ,

AIBU

[NotQuiteNorma]

Whatting??

[Devilsmommy]

Wtf is phubbing?

[Clariana]

Phone snubbing - people ignoring you in favour of interacting with their phone.

[WhyArePiratesCalledPiratessss]

Meaning of phubbing in English
"the act of ignoring someone you are with and giving attention to your mobile phone instead"

Text him to tell him you're annoyed?? 🤷‍♀️

[DatingDinosaur]

@WhyArePiratesCalledPiratessss "Text him to tell him you're annoyed?? 🤷‍♀️"

This. Oh definitely this!

But no, I've never constantly been a victim of phubbing because I find it rude and annoying and I'd fire a warning shot across the bows first then get up and walk off if nothing improved.

[Withalifelessordinary]

Yes ! I do feel a victim I come home from work to be met with a 10 minute hello then an hour of facebook and maybe a cuddle which feels forced .

I then get to bed and its an hour of scrolling and no conversation whatsoever ,sleep then move on to waking up and finding them either on their phone scrolling , still.

The shocker the other day was after a bit of intimacy coming back from the bathroom 2 maybe 3 minutes later and yes you guessed it scrolling more facebook,

Unfortunately this is the last in a line of things for me ,for example making plans only for other arrangments to be made a week before that then have a nock on effect .
Im second best and need to start and prioritise myself But i will be dammned if i will be second best to a phone

I know I need to call it a day and move on with my life rather than cling on to the past 15 years in a hope things might improve , deep down i know they wont.

[DatingDinosaur]

Have you actually spoken to him/her about it?

If you haven't, it's basically (by omission) implying that you're okay with it.

[Withalifelessordinary]

Oh yes several times over the years , it seems to be getting worse , Im actually blaming myself for not being interesting enough believe it or not , to the point where i just let it slide by and go and do other things.

Its a bit constraining in one respect you dont wiah to cause friction but they wont do anything, you cannot try to alter their free will as this is not what I would wish anyone to do ,but on the other hand I blame myself for not just going and doing something else , Im confused as to if its me or them

[Luckingfovely]

You have control over your own life.

If his behaviour makes you unhappy, then you are perfectly right and reasonable to move on. You don't need to justify it to anyone.

[DatingDinosaur]

" in one respect you dont wiah to cause friction but they wont do anything, you cannot try to alter their free will "

True. But you can give them options and a forecast of your likely actions if they carry on. ie. if he/she doesn't dial it back a bit/lot/stop then you will do x/y/z. And follow that through if they continue.

It's already causing friction so ..

[GreyCarpet]

This is where boundaries are very useful.

What is acceptable to you?

What you you prefer to be doing instead?

You're absolutely right, you can't tell someone else what to do but you can decide what you will put up with so explain how you feel and, if he keeps on doing it, get up,leave the room and do something else instead.

Personally, I'd do something he'd notice. Just going into the kitchen or having a bath will have no impact on him beyond being left alone to continue in peace. I'd go out.

I'd say nothing, go upstairs, get changed and leave the house.

[GreyCarpet]

My response would be the same if your pattern is a 'she' too.

[LeoTheLeopard]

With my ex, this was a symptom of the state of the relationship. Basically there was nothing to say that didn’t lead to bad feelings.

The scrolling after sex was a way of self-calming after a coerced experience.

My suggestion is that you need to look a lot deeper.

[Whatifthehokeycokey]

If you look at your phone in the morning before speaking with your partner, I think there's a problem with your marriage. Same for last thing at night. DH and I got in a really bad habit about this for a while but now we charge our phones outside of the bedroom. It honestly makes a difference.

[Withalifelessordinary]

@LeoTheLeopard

With my ex, this was a symptom of the state of the relationship. Basically there was nothing to say that didn’t lead to bad feelings.

The scrolling after sex was a way of self-calming after a coerced experience.

My suggestion is that you need to look a lot deeper.

I know we have other problems in other areas but never saw them as a major issue and they could probably be resolved however could you explain the comment about calming after coersion , i need to understand if this relates somehow.

Thanks

[WhisperGold]

Go to the bathroom, come back 3 mins later. 90% of people will be on their phone.

[Withalifelessordinary]

@WhisperGold

Go to the bathroom, come back 3 mins later. 90% of people will be on their phone.

Maybe this is the norm and im too old then , maybe it is in fact me and i havent moved with the times

[Withalifelessordinary]

@GreyCarpet

This is where boundaries are very useful.

What is acceptable to you?

What you you prefer to be doing instead?

You're absolutely right, you can't tell someone else what to do but you can decide what you will put up with so explain how you feel and, if he keeps on doing it, get up,leave the room and do something else instead.

Personally, I'd do something he'd notice. Just going into the kitchen or having a bath will have no impact on him beyond being left alone to continue in peace. I'd go out.

I'd say nothing, go upstairs, get changed and leave the house.

I dont think they would notice, I would guess the free time would allow them to indulge more.

[Bananalanacake]

Oh, I thought it was a bizarre sexual practice you read about but don't dare Google, like pegging.

[Withalifelessordinary]

Ha ha no perfectly safe for work.